Brashs

Hi everyone.

When I was about 12 years old, my friend Craig (he was actually a prick, but pickings were slim at Box HIll Tech and this dude was smaller than me) gave me a mix tape of Run DMC and Beastie Boys. I loved it. It replaced Barnseys 'Two Fires' and Whispering Jack in the tape player.

Dad was laughing at me for listening to rap. The signs were good. All power to me. As Ali G once said, I dont know what you guys are protesting about but Im with you...I had something that seemed to be dissing somebody and although I still loved and needed my family at this point, I had this subconscious itch to tell them I was my own man. Or at the very least, thinking about becoming so...

Anyone I played the fuck out of those two tapes until Craig gave me another mix tape with Bring The Noise and Dont Believe the Hype on it. By this time I was fairly confident I only needed mum to provide food and shelter for me and Id taken to carrying a skateboard around with me, wearing a NY yankees cap and the rot of teenage angst was bearing fruit. By now, I was refusing to go to Sunday School during the main service. Take that Father...Im staying in with you mob. To hell with coloring in pictures of Jesus out on the water with his friends...Im a time bomb ticking and I might just say anything, but please...continue with your sermon...

Anyway Public Enemy led me further into the jungle of hip hop. I was being supplied tapes by Eric B and Rakim, Easy E or B...I couldnt pick it up...could have been D...I didnt have an older brother, Dad was blissed out to Neil Young so I wasnt able to get any info of where these tunes were coming from or the movement behind them (im still largerly ignorant) but my lord did I love those tapes...? Yes...I did.

Anyway I'd had a puff on a smoke by now and felt my lungs reject it in their entirety yet soldiered on and I heard a whisper about a dude named Ice-T. He had a record called Iceberg. I kept getting the artist and the album mixed up so I kept a low porfile on it, but its momentum was growing at Box Hill Tech. This dude apparently killed cops and captured it live on tape and worked it into his songs. It frightened the hell out of me and I wanted in...at a safe distance.

May 5th came around, my birthday, and my neighbour gave me a Brashs voucher. You can see where this is leading.

I caught the train to Camberwell station with my friend Ben Constance, the giver of said voucher and walked up Burke St to the Brashs store. Ben was from Camberwell Gramma and he was suggesting I pick up the 12th Man and believe me it was tempting, Id heard snippets of Richie Benaud farting... but I knew wehere my voucher was going. Ice-T i told him. I didnt expect him to understand, and he didnt. He wasnt from the same harsh world of Box Hill Tech...He hadnt been in those Metal Workshop rooms and witnessed Year 12's holding aloft flames spewing forth from a welding thingymabob...Had he?

We rolled up tp Brashs, I made the purchase. Did I want a bag? Hell no. I was gunna carry that cassette on the train back home with the cover facing out. A dude with a shotgun placed in his mouth. Through the dangerous hood of Surrey Hills I trudged. Gang warfare all about me. Over the footy oval, dodging mud and scurrying cricket balls...

Seeya Ben.

Im focused now. Noones home. Just me and the tape player.
I put it on. Loud. Fuckin louuuuuuuud!!!!

Unbeknowns to me, mother had walked in with the shopping. Ill never forget it...
I turn around as the Black n Decker is slicing through a 'motherfucker's head'

A packet of Coco Puff's fall to the floor...Gravox close behind...

I look at her. Take that ma - your little boy has grown up and is now keen on slicing motherfuckers up.

But she is strong. And I havent seen this type of shock and rage flowing through my mother's veins since she hurled a brush at my head for burning my neighbours butterfly net...

She walks to the casstte player, pulls out Iceberg, pops it into it's case, grabs me hard around the arm and to the HJ we go.
Back to Brashs, me balling, screaming. Her very very quiet.

We reach Brashs. I aint getting out. She does. She returns.

Tells me, the young man who sold me Iceberg copped an earful and then in true mum fashion, was forgiven and asked what might be a suitable replacement for such violent brutal music.

My tears have stopped. Hope abounds...Sitting quietly beside humiliation...Perhaps she has found some middle ground...Fear of a Black Planet? Straight outtta Compton.....Two Live Crew?

The brashs bag sits between us on the bench-seat as a symbol of compromise that may go onto represent the relationship my mother and I would carry into my later teens. Perhaps I would tell her I tried drugs....that id fallen in love with a girl and was sleeping with her...and she'd be like, make sure youre being safe darling, have a glass of wine with me and enjoy it in moderation...

Whatever lay in that Brashs bag would dictate not only my musical future but my familial relationships in the coming years.

Now he said it was rap honey...and he said alot of kids love it....and he said it's positive rap...

I pulled the bag to my lap.
I reached in. I felt the $8.99 sticker on the top left corner...My heart pounded.

DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince.

I never told my mum I started smoking. When she picked me up from parties I would crush gum leaves in my hands to erase the smell unitl I was 18. I told her I thought West Coast Coolers were softdrink. I told her the bottle with the hose stuck in it was a feeding mechanism for my lovebirds.

I took the cassette to my tape player in my room and listened. I new enough to know it didnt carry the same cred as Ice- T.
I told my mum I hated everything about it. I learnt Ice -T off my friends playtime recitals...
" This girl tried to kill me, she didnt use a gun or knife...." I chanted it at skate parks, whilst Ma looked on making sure I kept my Stack Hat on...I was a weird mix of a fairly popular, mostly accepted yet clearly overly parented kid.. My popularity was always on the brink...One visit to my home away from crumbling...

But after church on Sundays Id come home and listen to He's the DJ, Im the Rapper. Id listen and learn.
The hook's sunk themselves into my flesh. The rhymes gripped me until
I no longer hid The Fresh Prince from my family. From anyone..Actually, that's not true. I hid it from everyone...except my family.

I know every fucking word. I dont understand what a single one means. It cradled me when lonely. It lifted me when low. It was a substitute for reality.

It shaped me.

Im glad Ma made me take Iceberg back and exchange it for Will Smith. He's a dick, dont get me wrong, but I mean Ice-T didnt exactly go on to fuck shit up did he?

Hoodies and scuzz

Hoodies mate. Love em.

Summer Job

Summer's here. You know what that means? Yep. Summer job. The garage has shut and i'm working with the curtain man. 10 bux an hour! Get to travel all day in the curtain mans car going from Toorak to Seaford and back and hang the odd blind or two. He tells me about his marriage problems, I tell him about my dreams. Somehow he manages to work my dreams into putting up blinds for a living? Maybe I could be a curtain man - what? Full time? Yeah. It's not so bad. I get to work in my socks. Make a fuck up? Hide it. Easy. As long as I can convince him to stay with his wife. I like her mate. I don't even tell her I don't like soda water. Yeah, i'm going to be a curtain man - what?!

Same mate

At precisely 1 min and 56 seconds Leo Sayer says it all.

City kid

Ahhhh mate. I did the very early part of my teens in Surrey Hills. Middle class, oak trees, acorns, safe, bar the odd flasher.
Anyways Ma and Pa said it was time to move further out...Read: our cash flow dried up. Dad was a dumb cunt.

Anyways....we headed out to Montrose. All I knew was that it was at the bottom of a mountain. Shit. Sticks and shit. The full on country they had me thinking.

School was Mooroolbark High. Piece a piss mate I thought. Small country school. Maybe 7 kids or something. In total!! I was from the city.
In the city it's a pity cos you just cant hide but in the country mate...well Id be a star.

Those kids'd be swarming round me asking me where'd ya get ya jeans mate? Oooooo I never seen them kinda shoes before...

And I'd ruffle the tops of their ginger heads and say it's "Ive never seen those sort of shoes before Joe...now run along
and play with your string and bottle."

This was gunna be one sweet move....Finally Ill have the space to maneuver that will allow my personality to shine.

Go fuck yaself Box Hill Tech and your rampant bullying behind those sheds. That's right...John Prangley, Burnt Sausage....
Your dark deeds wont effect me any longer...Im headed to the country to enlighten some peoples.

First day at me new school....

Mum and I couldnt open me combo lock in the locker bay. I told ma to piss off..She did. I wept.

Late to home-class, walked in. Got called pizza face.

School was bigger than me previous one, geographically and population-wise.

No one asked or cared about my clothes. And the Public Enemy badge that ma had sewed onto a see through black t shirt copped the most shit of all.

Still had 5 years to go.

City kid..you betcha

Chrissy mate

Im getting just a little bit excited about getting pissed with my family .....

Bird on a perch

Dont get nymphomaniac and necrophiliac mixed up in general conversation mate.

Paddle pops and mice

This shit is out of control.
This shit is out of control.

So articulate.

Drifty

Ohhhh mate. Today I just floated on down to the post box. Not in a dreamy way...like I wasn't attached to a single thing.
It's a terrible terrible feeling. Especially when one is being watched from the commission flats.

Spring

Run mate

Tick tock mate

School was fucked up

Friends

Swim mate

Twinstacker 6 string

Designer stool and Twinstacker

Nosehose

Hi

Archie

There's alot going on here mate...to be honest.

Cashcow

Our Mulholland Dve

Funky

Silence you are gunna love this. Shags...got a new alarm for ya mate, but you arent ever gunna wanna leave dream land. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm....

Rooftop bar

Oooooahh and this one started our obsession with dark dark hair and the knocki-sense people who lived a half mile ahead.

Stop mate

Fuck mate....I always just took it that Bob and The Count were the same people....
This one got us started on killer verses.

Snail Trail

Ad nauseam

Beans and Noodles

Our love of massive fucking choruses started here

Wide Slide

Love from Silence

TMNT

Our mate Shin uses this as his alarm every morning....Can not think of a better way to start each day.

Cleverdick

I dont give a fuck about the fish. Love this one. Port Campbell...Tents. I was a complete fuckwit and completely oblivious. Hope I still am.

Frisbee throwing in spring

Eh....

Digging for Gold

Got some mate

Sunset to Sunrise

sunset to sunrise with ghostpatrol & miso from Louis Mitchell on Vimeo.

Sleeping In

Just once, I'd love to sleep in like I used to...

Long time no feel

It's been a long long time since I felt like this.

immaterial industry

http://immaterialindustry.blogspot.com/

Plaza...A conversation

Shit bossie

I forgot the dunny needs some paper.

Meant to bring it up this mornin.

Are you headed today? If not I might get Madsy to swing some up there in case the artist needs it.

Its no sweat. Fuck I forgot to put the chain up too....Oh mate. Im asleep

Oh mate. I'll try and get there but if Madsy could drop some in that'd be sick just incase I get stuck at work...

Sick mate

I'm just about to blow my entire weeks wage on bills!!!!!

How????

Oh boss.....

That is so fucked up. Maybe we could apply ofr a job share shelf stacker up at the Plaza. Tag team. You work, I open up, I work you shut down?

Might get us an extra 40-50 a week?

Sounds good! I love the plaza mate... I'd be going there anyway... May as well earn some cash whilst I'm there...

Suck it

Last week finished on a massive high that came to naught. Me and BV goin crazy at the shop. Touching the walls and sayin ooooooaaaa bossie dont they just feel so good. We'd cruise around from room to room saying shit like, mate we are gunna be rollin in it. Let's go out and spend some cash mate. We've got heaps in reserve, and plenty comin in.

Friday came, we kept it really quiet cos we knewwwwwwwwwww that Saturday was gunna be massive. Just texting and shit.

Satdee came and mate, we got busy, mowing lawns, cleaning showers and shit. Prep. Then the arvo and into the night. Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuge wasnt it?

Wasnt it? Wassie wozzles? Wassie a wasnut?

Huge?

Ohhhhhhhh my god. Done it again. We missed the fuckin boat again bossie. We missed the call and there was only one. Im starting to think this is what we want. The TAB, the lomond, old fairies dancing in the wind.....

And Monday night I roll up to the shop to fix a door on an old Mazda and low and behold guess who's got the blinds up and laying spread eagled on the floor?

BV.

Consumed- a live animation

'Consumed' showing at SMR (124 Nicholson St East Brunswick)
Consumed- a live animation' will be staged over seven days in a shopfront in Brunswick. Ten artists will each take over the space, divided equally into a studio and 'display' space, for (all, or a portion of) the 24 hours allotted to them. The left hand window in the shop front will be a back lit display space, or screen, and the right hand side will be a work space.

Taking down the previous installation and building up the next work will be recorded and edited to make ‘stop motion’ animated film. As each addition or subtraction will be recorded, the process and duration of the work will be part of the final outcome. The projects will be partially recorded by the audience and the artist, as well as by two fixed 'surveillance’ type cameras, creating multiple points of view on the project. The audience will be able to observe the display and the production from outside, or enter and observe it being made. If invited by the artists, the audience could make suggestions or comments or even participate in the manufacture or installation.

The work will be mostly produced on-site and installed on, behind, or in front of, the screen in the evening when viewing will be optimal. The work produced could be envisioned in a way that creates a time based experience through more than just recording the action of installing it.

The project explores the boundaries between audience and the artist, cycles of production and consumption, point of view, as well as notions of open source collaboration offline and online. Although each individual project will only survive for 24 hours, the resulting footage of all the projects will be made into a stop motion film that additionally incorporates the manufacturing processes and multiple view points. The film will be available online and potentially exhibited or added to though future events.

The event will run from the 3rd of October to the 10th of October. A presentation of the film is scheduled for later in the year at West Wing Gallery in the CBD.

The participating artists are
Olivia Pintos-Lopez http://immaterialindustry.blogspot.com/
Emma Van Leest http://emmavanleest.com/
Madeleine Griffith artist, art director and model maker
Hannah Bertram http://www.hannahbertram.com/
Holly McNaught http://www.taylorslakesupercolony.org/hollyandrowan
Isobel Knowles http://www.isobelknowles.com/
Van Sowerwine http://www.vansowerwine.com/
Miso http://cityofreubens.com
Ghost Patrol http://ghostpatrol.net/
Lachlan Tetlow-Stuart http://www.lachlantetlowstuart.com/Lachlan_Tetlow-Stuart/Home.html

definitions of consumed:
1.to destroy or expend by use; use up.
2.to eat or drink up; devour.
3. to destroy, as by decomposition or burning: Fire consumed the forest.
4. to spend (money, time, etc.) wastefully.
5.to absorb; engross: consumed with curiosity
6.to undergo destruction; waste away.
7.to use or use up consumer goods.

Banana passionfruit

Yeh mate...Its the westerly mate. Nothin day at school. Get home. Throw ya bag down...Smash a milo...Nothin means anything mate. You cant feel ya soul mate. Ya know ya will but right now the tips of ya fingers are thawin out and everything that happens is like a memory.

Soooooooo....You head down to the far corner of your backyard and hang a piss mate. All over the banana passionfruit...

Tuesday. This day has got Tuesday written all over it.

Guitar lesson at 4.

See?

Who fuckin told you you could tell me what to do?

Theyre wrong mate. You cant and if you do I wont.

So everyone's running around saying no to me. Dont touch that. It's hot. Be careful mate. That's hot. This'll jam your fingers.

Mate. Ive had it. Im 11 months old and Ive had it. Ill touch what I want when I want.

See?

Here fridgey fridgey fridge

I feel free mate.... like a bird. Every spring one song glistens and heralds the summer that is to come....

There's been some hefty decisions going on round this here shop I tell you what.

And it seems that now spring is chancing its arm, decisions are somewhat easier to decide.

It's been a brutal winter....Can I get a witness?

Oh yeh sure, we are in the southern hemisphere and way up north you all live in darkness for 9 months of the year and your motors snap freeze every morning and your kids where big boots to school and your windows need to be double glazed and your horses maine's are crystalised and you all sneak big cups of soup with your hands cupped around the mug and toboggins are all the rage, riding is difficult, glaciers are common, lakes are frozen - not just grass, people have beards, but......

We lost a fridge and some potplants and we'll probably never see them again.

Here fridgey fridgey fridge...

Silence? Silennnnnnnnce???

If i vanish one day its because ive gone looking for these guys.

Silence.

Flip charts

Oh boss i'm so pissed off with those little cunts and their buckets. Dogs they are mate. Dogs. It's that shit that makes me real torn as to what to do. Still. Give me cash mate and i'm yours. Oh what. You betcha.

I'll nut out a time boss and we'll sit down with our flip charts

Spaniorita

At work we have this giant bin in the kitchen.

It has a battery operated lid which has a sensor on it.

When you wave something in front of it, the lid opens.

We say... " the bin just opened it's mouth at me"

Sometimes when you are just walking past it, the bin will open it's mouth at you... if ya get to close.

Today I went to the sink mate to fill me water bottle up and...

The bin opened its mouth at me.

I didnt see it do so though mate...All I heard was vvvvvvvvvvvvvvv....

And....in my state of domesticated distraction I thought it was a Spanish twenty something lady screaming in horror at something that had happened down in the front room.

Now why the FUCK would I think that?

Vvvvvvvvvvvvvv!

David Lynch you aint got nothin on our bin lid. Nothin!

Silence breaks his silence.

This still informs my taste in men.

This reminds me of when I had a great deal in front of me.

This reminds me of that old picket fence strangled by poison ivy.

This reminds me of when the world was seemingly my shellfish...

This made me feel like something big was going to happen.

This still informs my sense of fashion.

This is still how I stand in front of the mirror.

This is how I thought life would turn out.

Im not bitter that it didnt.

I just wish I could find something that lied to me like that again.

Ok. I will

My nerves are nervous. Im chapping at the bit. Everywhere I turn disaster looms.

Maybe someones done this to me. Done this to my friend. Going to do something that doesnt agree with me.

Everywhere I turn. Chapping at the bit. Chap. Chap chap. Chap chap chap.

Why when the weather is so oppressive will people not leave me alone. I welcome them I do. But if it is only bad news, difficult news, news which seeks to restrain my emotions, why do they feel they should all have made contact with me this week when, as I said before, the weather is already baring down upon me.

Im new to this. I always have been.

Make things less difficult for me.

Or Ill do it for myself.

Yeah, Na...

I love hearin good news. Doesn't everyone?

Na, been cheered up heaps. Specially with all the bullshit goin on at the moment.

Yeah, can't wait till next weekend. Should be heaps of fun.

Na, thanks heaps n heaps for the good news. Lets hope from now till next weekend goes really really fast.

I love it.

Hey, got any Nirvana on ya?

My little terrier.

Ok mate....

Uh?

Ive got $3.83 right?

Right.

I need meat and cheese yeh?

Yeh.

So....Im walkin down the aisles yeh?

Uh huh. Go on.

Bi-Lo.

Ooooooo.

And I grab stewing meat for $1.80 (urgent sale needed). Meat is on the blue side.

I see.

And then I spot Kraft Singles, but they arent Kraft at all....on special for kids bones....$0.90....

Done mate.

You'd think so....In the distance glowing like a rock I spot the mother of all bargains....Cheese and meat combined.

Price?

$3.05

Shags! I never. What did you do?

I dropped me singles and steak to the floor and pounced upon my own.

By own you mean rissoles with a cheese center?

Never a truer word spoken my friend.

And...?

I took them home where upon the cooker I did place and burnt them to a crisp lest there be an infection amongst their numbers...

And...?

And my little terrier...I ate them center and all.

The quality?

Terrible my friend. The cheese was that of a young boys sneeze and the meat was telling lies.

How so?

It were not meat at all but something built of glue.

Oh Shags....

Oh my little buddy.

(Long pause.)

cash grab?

Let's do it.

Cash grab!

Lick a snake cake

Finished it all of with a kit kat mate..

A kit kat?

Yep mate. Now me guts is full of all sorts a goodies. Ooooo mate. A
little capernicus, a little jimmy ju ju and the mother of all
capsicums.

Oh Isaw Isonn you are a gator raple.

BV? What you say giddy gie gie?

Licky what chap?

Say bout me widdy woo wup?

Oh mate I say to you mate about your guts within.

Oh I am sorry Bivvy Whacknow. I thought you do make a sample mate...

A sample of the good one Simmy?

Simmy. Ha! Beauty Form.

I know I couldnt believe it mate. Straight before my eyes. Like a snake.

Jisu! Like a snake.

Lick a snake cake. Make me one.

Gruffed

Hello mate.

Hello mate.

How are you mate?

Very good thanks mate. How are you mate?

Yes very good mate. Thanks mate. How are you?

Good thanks mate. Thanks mate. Ahhhh....Listen last night I saw a women in a singlet gripping a can of lager and ahhhh...Listen mate. It was cold. A wind with a severe chill in it was a howlin and a blowin...Bringing the boots of cars down onto the heads of men no less...

Jesus mate. And you say she was only in a singlet?

Yes mate. Scared the pants right offa me mate....She was ahhhh inquiring as to the whereabouts of Bell St mate?

Yes mate? Go on...

Well mate I told her she was miles off and she gruffed at me mate.

Gruffed?

Yep...Straight at me mate. Gruff. So I pointed out the bend she needed to round and off she mosied mate as if it were a summers night down at the boulevard. Her forehead angry as a dwarf...

Mate. That night was cold I tells ya...

Yes mate. I remember.

Interview

Hello.

Do I know you?

Are you famous?

Have we shared a dance?

Have you seen my silly faces?

Do you have a silly face?

Does your bottom lip touch your nose?

Do you have teeth?

You're beautiful?

I can't see you.

I have forgotton everything...

Hulls and Sails

Hey mate.

Oh hi. You still workin with yachts?

Yes mate. Everyday. What we do is yachts. All day everyday. Anything to do with yachts is our business. Yachts mate. It's what we do.

Ahhh ok mate. Good to know. Im in need of a sail. Can ya help me?

No mate. Sails we dont do.

Oh. Ok. Id have thought sails were a major part of the yacht business no?

Yes mate.

What yes?

Yes they are a major part of the yacht business but we dont touch them. No money in sails mate.

Right then. Well, I tell ya what, smashed a huge hole in me hull on Sundee mate. and I was wondering if you..

We dont touch hulls mate.

No hulls?

Nope.

No sails?

Uh uh. Sails and hulls mate we dont touch..

I seeeeee.....You ahhhhh..sorry mate...Im not sure where to go next?

Anything to do with yachts mate. Go ahead. We are your first port of call....

Ummm. We have a bunk down below in the sleeping quarters that could use a new rung in the ladder?

Done and dusted mate. New rung in ladder leading to top bunk, done. Yachts mate. You gotta love em.

Yessss. Listen, could you recommend anyone to take a look at the hull and sail?

Ooooooooaa, that's a toughy champ. You could try 'Hulls and Sails' in the city...Might be able to help ya out.

Hulls and sails ey? Yep. Ill give them a go. Maybe Ill hold off on the ladder champ.

Oh...Sure. Rung on ladder on hold...Sure.

What?

Ahhh nothing, just sort of seems like you extracted the information you needed from me to get your yacht fixed and then shut me down with the whole ladder thing and Im....well. Never mind. Just feel a little....

Confused?

Yeh...Used, confused. You name it. I feel it.

Sad?

Nope not sad.

Wopsy

What a beautiful day! Wonderous clear formula for thought...A stiff southerly blows my hair northbound..And I must say I am looking the goods.

A young man yells out of his ute, get a real bike you fuckin shiela...Stunned out of my bliss, I return fire albeit a little late with, it's a family bike ya fuckin redneck. I look for brake lights..None forthcoming, we mark that one down as a victory. Best take a side street just to be safe...He's probably wondering why I returned fire with a compliment..

Round the back of Nichloson St faceless factories watch me cruise by cautiously. Them, not me. I am Isaw Isonn and there is nothing cautious about me. Pedal-mania here. Im gunna whip and strip all day. Watch me. A whip whip here and a strip whip there. Here a whip, there a whi

Shit. The ute. Faceless factory. Ute pulling in. Pale hateful face that hasnt seen the sun in so long sees me. Isaw Isonn. Dreaded calm comes over me. He's big and reckless and from the suburbs. I am too so I can spot em a mile off....Joe? Shit, I bet it's a Darren...Nickname..'Wopsy' The kind of nickname only a tough guy can pull off. Actually he cant pull it off, it's a name for a fuckin rabbit, but no one can tell him that. One guy did... I can see it all now.. Oustide the Shamrock...Biting ears off at the hot dog van, pounding flesh mate...My flesh!! He loves the taste of it.

By the time Isaw Isonn, whom by the way has had his cautiousness reinstated by the ute that looks like an over sized jetski cruises past, Wopsy is just getting out of his ute.

My heart is a fat banana...What was it my ma said about seeing that line in yer head and not crossing over it? Shit that was in relation to me mooning me uncle..Not gunna help now.

Silent cruising. Not looking but feeling the air around me....

Where'd ya get that family bike?

Ivanhoe Bikes. Free first up service....

Bracing for the stray piece of concrete to be hurled like a Croydon North long gully (youve lost your drive Wopsy), footsteps spaced together like a Lilydale seconds hack (give up the fags Woppers), I pedal like a goose doth paddle ...With incredible grace yet amazing efficiency...

Upon reaching the workshop, BV greets me with a packet of frozen peas at the ready.

I take a seat in the shop, and place them peas upon my burning thighs.

Time for a game mate? he says paddle in hand.

I got none..

Birds

I have a syndrome. 'Bird Watching Syndrome'

As far as we can tell, I have had it all my life and started showing symptoms around the age of six.

It involves the need to see a bird, any bird every 20-30 seconds or so. The bird must be alive, a simple picture of a bird will not suffice. It will lessen the ill effects, but it will not suffice. I carry a pocket full of scrunched up wattle birds and princess parrots for when real birds are not to be seen.

It is not a common syndrome as far as I can tell, infact Ive not heard of it before. Doctors may have, however Ive never consulted one before...It is not the type of thing a general practitioner would empathise with in my mind. Those close to me know about it....much to their chagrin

I scream fits of blue murder if the alloted time should pass without me seeing a bird. It's a problem. I spend each passage of time (20-30 seconds) counting down and scanning the sky, the trees, gutters on houses, bushes, telephone wires, chimneys, TV antennas and any other domesticated object, for a bird. Should one not appear, I immediately spill into a fit of screaming, mock convulsions, grabbing at my pockets for my princes parrot until a real bird should flutter by and start the clock all over again....

The relief I feel as a bird comes into view whether at the 7 second mark or the 47 second mark is palpable and my whole family, breathes a sigh of relief. But that sense of relief is quickly brushed aside as the clock starts again. My exhausted face, tenses again and the inner count begins...

It happens in bed, on trains, at school, the workshop, at a bar, during Christmas, eating spaghetti, Sunday afternnons, Tuesday evenings...like I said.

Every 20-30 seconds.

There is no cure. I don't want one anymore.

I just want birds.

Makeldi

Are you very ill Makealdi? Ooooo Makeldi it is dark here isnt it? Outside of the hospital. Listen closely with the blinds drawn. Listen and let it fill you up with the warmth that comes from being sick and in recovery.
--

Drinkin mama's cider

I have been in Hadesville...Sipping on a tonic that kept me down...You've all seen it once again...Oh yeh, Isaw? He's down at the bar way down deep drinking mama's cider..

I know you always see my darkest moments.

It's the way I tell this story. Publicly. And you all laugh, or even worse, dont laugh...

Well...Today I remembered. I remembered that where I live, where I work, and what I do need no explanation. So here's a massive fuck off to you...

Lick your own assholes, cos Im makin pizza for two here.

Back on yer heads.

Time

I feel sick.

I've missed the boat.

I've worked as hard as I can. I'm slower than most.

How did this happen? Everyone is younger than me.

Phase

There is nothing wrong with a phase. There is nothing wrong with a phase that goes through several long phases. There is nothing wrong with going through phases that last up to 17 or 18 years and show no signs of dissipating. At this point though one must ask themselves if it indeed is a phase.

BV? Is this a phase?

Is this a phase? Cos Im holding my breath....I always hold my breath when Im in a phase. Normally due to butterflies in me guts mate. Thinkin that the phase is about to switch it up...

Time will tell I guess if this is just a phase....But Im guessing it's a sequence...

From a phase.

Everything around me is strange.

Pets

It's been so long and it was such a foreign space that I can barely remember anymore...

But the little I can recall still haunts me. I was downstairs in the basement of an old lady's house who'd met me in the street earlier that day and asked for assistance with her pets....

I imagined a kitty up a tree, a dog with a gammy leg, perhaps a foal with a cold, at worst an axolotl with a hole through its guts but I never....I absolutely never thought she could have meant this.

NEVER!!

Down in her basement where I could...no....I cant....

Just listen and imagine. Tell me what you think I saw, and what she wanted help with. Tell me. Because I cant tell myself anymore...

Little old lady...youve cost me a lifetime.

Little one....I want to say you'll be alright. I do. But while you look up to me with those little pained eyes I cant....

Lady Im leaving, said I. Get it seen to. Get him seen to please....Please.

Cash or carry?

I like it mate...It looks good on you. Promise.

Well Im in the mafia and me two mates are in the business of sellin land and truffles respectively. They both do a bang up job too I should say. Everyone does what they are supposed too and they do it well.

Had a weekend away from the burbs and went coastal mate. Shit. It was massive. I lost me way on the dogs mate and spat out more than I could afford too...Oh me mates? They lost big too mate. All tryin to get ahead if ya know what I mean...

But there were positives too ya know? Like we didnt touch a single vegie, I ate low grade snags all weekend. And our old mates....? Yeh mate they were there and they loved it all. We talked, danced, poured a quicky over me head early in the night to get things started, BV just tracked it all from the sidelines and then jumped in for a quick sidestep...Silence? Yeh mate, he'd done his homework and gave as good as he got. Very solid Silence.

Turns out mate we may have gone a little harder than we thought for I snaffled a little too much muddy mud mud cake and was swaying like a fish on the ride home. Quiet as a mouse I tells ya. BV and Silence cackling like grasshoppers about their early morning plans....

Ughhhhh mate Im just gettin sicker and sicker at this point and resign meself to the dunny, pants down and let a toxic little number pass through me lips...All hell broke loss and I was left on me own.

Jumped into bed...pulled the covers over me head and had a quiet but diligent Chunny Chun Der just to me left... Pants Down Mcgee...

Shifting Shadow

Im very emotional today. Weak at the knees as though someone has a big bag of dry cotton wool they are about to cover me in and scribble on recycled paper with an old dried out posca....Frightened.

I didnt want to go to work today. The 'shifting shadow' is about and it's my turn to lay low...and I know it. But I, unlike Sam Pickles cant deal with the waiting, and the knowing. I prefer to pretend that times like these dont exist until they do....And they do, whether figments of an imagination or whether as real as the shadow they cast....

A long time ago our friend Shinny Two Shoes bought this round to our garage and said, 'check the bit where she holds that note into the next line' We checked it alright. We had no work, no prospects, no cash, no prospects and certainly no cash but we checked it and NOW it's the first thing we put on in our workshop...Our workshop that works that is....It's a great thing to see ya mate come up to ya and say this does it for me and then to go back to him and say it did it for us too....

Years ago....Fuckin years ago mate. What? Am I crying...?

No one sees me.

In the rush I have been left behind. My greatest fear. No one is looking back to see if I am coming, which I am not. I am too unorganised to be on this trip. I havent the boots for it. I havent the equipment and all my peers are trekking off ahead with their can openers, lilos, and mosquito nets. Mummy only packed me explorers and my asthma pump. Mummy?

Jesus, she is miles away. I cant even tell if we are in the same state. I remember crossing a large river that came up to our doors and that may as well have been the border.

The teacher is a right cow and little do either of us know Ill catch her purely by accident later this weekend in an uncompromising position, that wont do my relationship with her any good at all.

I am truly fucked.

Up ahead, friends are making friends and organising who's to sleep in whose tent whilst I am on my knees desperately trying to lengthen the straps on my back pack. Ive possibly soiled myself after one to many m&m's on the bustrip and my wallet is wet from my cordial bottle (NB: not my canteen) leaking slowly from Wangaratta (the last time I used it). Oh, even my church going friend who's supposedly trained for this very moment of selflessness is making plans with Gus the snail to team up for the lilo run. He saw me in trouble and thought....fuck it mate. I aint touchin that! I do not blame him. He paid for that later on.

I sleep in a tent seeped in spew with a man as trustworthy as a fart. I am cold. My sleeping bag would not zip up in the dark. I resolve to make it through to dawn. Asthma has set in, whether due to stress or cold who can say?

The great outdoors is an understatement. I am truly fucked out here with these people whom I am to spend the next 6 years getting to know.

Dawn breaks with me hanging on to a sapling above the 'pit' taking care of business. Sapling says 'fuck you mate. I want nothing to do with you' and snaps, leaving me to crab walk my way over an entire camps shit to safety. I look around to see who saw Isaww......

Noone as far as I can tell. And that's just the problem. No one sees me.

Jeems?

Jeems? Jeeeeems? Where aaaaaaaaare yooooooooou?

Jeems? Where have you been?

Playing fiddle mummy....

Jeems!

The inner workings of a bakery...

A touching thought-piece from Silence. Go ahead Silence.....

I find most things to be somewhat disappointing. Not heartbreakingly or tragically so, most things I experience are simply not quite enough.

I tried to remember my earliest disappointment, attempted to track the origin of my unfulfilled search for satisfaction, and there it was........ Playschool.

Everytime one of those overexcited grown ups told me it was time to look through the ‘windows’ I would feel the excitement building. ’Which window will it be today?

To be completely honest I didn’t give a shit, it was what was on the other side that mattered to me, the unseen, the inspiration, the potential life changing experience. Every single time I had faith in the window to change my day, my life.

But every single time I was let down, left feeling cheated, bored, unsure. Except this one time when ‘they’ revealed to me the inner workings of a bakery. This is what I wanted, needed.

This is what keeps me searching...........

Searching in Silence.


Well Silence....It would seem you have too have experienced the heartache of promise? And at such an early age....My friend, you are an optimist yes? Ahhhhh how often BV and myself have uttered the phrase...'Oooooo optimism why do you taunt us so?' Silence you are welcome within these four walls whenever it doth suit you. Here you will find BV on his kness, hash-pipe betwixt gums and my good self chapping at the bit...We've succumbed to madness and it flows through our veins like love doth an empty heart.

All hail people......The god of unleavened bread is upon us blessing and cursing us with his manna from on high.

I've got one...

Ok ok. Now drape off a room. Change the clear light bulbs for red ones and pump this.

That's it.

Have a few more cans and put this one on next.

Trippin?

I've got one. Check it.

Here's one.

Put this on.

Sing it.

One more...?

Sick.

Best party i've been to in years mate.

Bet your donkey on it

I worked on this job once right?

There was this dude who fucked me over continually so bad by getting me to do the shittest and most impossible jobs that he could find.

Why the instant dislike of me? I mulled it over and over as I carried ancient oak desks up flights and flights of stairs on my lonesome......

I mulled for days. Back breaking days end on end.

Then I stopped mulling it over.

I started mulling something else over and over in my head.

How could I get this man back so bad that he would never want to encounter me again...Hard labour does strange things to even the purest of hearts :0

Sometimes you just have to come out and say to someone who is keeping you down 'excuse me sir/madam but Im not sure if you realised, but your actions are making my life very difficult and Id appreciate a change in your behavior. Thanks for your understanding.'

Then there are other times where one must, absolutely must come up with a plan that is so conceited that it would disappoint your own mother if you were to tell her.

Now it's true..No one reads this blog. No one ever will....But I came up with a plan to bring down my man. It involved two screws, a screwdriver, an expensive desk and a phonecall. And for those of you who lack imagination...NO I did not hurt his person....I did not lay a finger on it.....

I did something that I.....that I......(giggle giggle giggle. BVs cackin himself)

I taught him not to assume that those working under us are under us.

Did he learn from it? Doubt it.

Did I? Bet your donkey I did

Buzzy was a buzzborne

Sacky two shoes? Chippy tweasels? Casty niglate? Jeppy sidesway? Lista Bullista? Flexy Moron? Jippy Wideberth? Selly Dignut? Foolistie Bangabist? Cherry Lipwart? Flavour Froggywoo? Jella Bisconte? Cappy WooWoo? BitenMicha? Larte Fulworthy? Batch of Nidisarate? Elspen Workatit? Boddy Nature?

Nah fuck it mate. Click here cunt
--

My neck has changed shape. x

My neck has changed shape. Perhaps my head so full of thought and worry became lopsided and it's tweaked my neck to the degree it's actually changed its course.

Remarkable and remarkably painful.

BUT....you should see BV. He cannot stop chattin. I saw him at the workshop last night and I was lockin up and seriously BV was cackin away to himself bent over ol wrecks for a good 15 before I even tuned in.

Somethin about tweety birds, hurt me feelings, make ya cry, im comin to git ya and all that jazz.

I looked up and mate you shoulda seen him. Frothin mate! Frothin like an ol cane toad. Cackin his pants mate like an ol man. Clever with a spanner? You betcha.

So anyway Ill see him for sure back at the old workshop which has a little problemo with micey mouses and I hope to god he is still chattin. Chattin about this and about that mate. Clickin his spanner at his hips and spinnin like a top.

We got some serious stampin to do at HQ people. So swing buy for a cuppa or stick ya ears in through the cage and listen to ol Bombed Viallge cackle. Singin like a bird.

Sickle

The sting within

I do not want to be a killjoy. I do not.

For it is Friday afternoon. Friday afternoon is where bitches and bastards get together and celebrate what has been a shit week by planning to go get loaded, waist all the cash they have slaved for, only to come back on Monday, starved, dehydrated and lost, having sold their soul to the dark one many times over.....

Friday afternoon is better than it's night and Saturday night put together. Is it not? It is.

But this Friday afternoon Bombed Village and Isaw Isonn are not celebrating. They are hurting. Hurting from the sting within.

The sting within.

A pain that is sharedth is a pain worth knowing (Alsatius, circa:1739)

Knock over a can for us will ya?

Hey BV?

Fuck it mate. Im gettin loaded to the nines.....

Oh that's very nice indeed....

Me neck's gone snap. Did it this morning in the shower...Ooooooo what a pity. What a shame!

Two Voltarin down and the rest of me body is completely chilled but me neck....? Na mate it's pingin off its head! Threatin to blow out all together.

Rode to the workshop this morning and hit three parked cars, one old cat and a roadworks dude. Cant look up.

When I get there BV says, mate why's ya noggin flip flappin like that?

Cos I cant find a nice comfy spot for it to rest, I tell him while I stare at the oil slick in front of me.

You want some salami? BV's always got the goods.

Hell yeah biscotti! Dried and old?

Dried and old Isaw. Dried and old...

Oh that's very nice indeed....

Hello?

Ohhhhh....OK?

smiley mcslidey rehearsals

What? Yeh....

smiley mcslidey has built a rehearsal room in East Brunswick for your band out the back of our workshop.

What? You wanna rehearse there? Well fuckin email us. smileymcslidey@gmail.com

We'll give you a room. You'll love it.

Snaffle

Trapped by traffic

Hey mate. I woke up angry this morning. Like day three of a hangover but nothing's past these lips. Nothin but cheese and mustard.

I'm furious at the fuckin keys that wont hang up like they should.

The fuckin dishes mate that keep threatening to engulf me. Not to mention that Im obsessed with the dishes. I do em now even when they dont need doing. And I talk to them like they've got feelings. I say....you're a fuckin cunt medium sized saucepan with your dried shank soup on the hard to get too lip. Yeh?!...You wanna conceal your germy little self from me do ya? Yeh...?! Well how do you fancy being scrubbed to the bejusus with old stinky steel wool?? Ha! How do you like that? Yeh thats right Isaw Isonn leaves no dish unwashed. He fuckin wins.

What's that keys? You dont wanna hang up properly? Ill fuckin throw you hard into the couch mate and muffle ya cries.

Gotta get some milk? Took a short cut only to be cut off by traffic? What? What the...? Was that dude lookin at me laughin cos he knows I got trapped by the traffic. Ill fuckin chase ya down and scream at ya with wild eyes. Hey?! Scream at ya, ya crazy lookin critter.

Ahhh fuck it you win mate. Every way I turn there's some fuckin element, inanimate object waitin to give me a hard time.

Ive had it.

I really have.

Nothing

Ive got no ears. Ive got nothing.

Had a few ciders last night. Cherished them. BV was there. Knock off drinks we call them So does everyone else.

Strangest thing but....

Rang BV this morning and said mate, are ya comin into work this morning. I heard his lips flappin but couldnt pull an answer from him.

Then I realised I wasnt saying a word either!

Just flap flap flap, thwack thwack, clack. Me lips were chappin but nobody was home!

Click go ya lips mate. Click click click.

Jitty Lingthyme

Hello.....

My name is Isaw Isonn.

I am people.

Hair and tiny toes....

I have noses don't we.

Noowwwwww. Who is your name?

Tiggy Touchwood? Tatty Newblower? Figgy Underwood? Lyle Newsbury?
Jason Sanderlangs? Wholly Newbred? Witty Newsfrier? Jeepers Nengblaster. Faggy Woodwood?

Hello Jitty Lingthyme. This is a Bombed Village. Jappyjoojoo.

We fix the cars to make the roads busy Jitty. What is your purpose?

Oooooo you play the Oak do you? Play some oak Jitty.

Woo woo. Aaaa....woo woo woo.

Come gather round peoples. Jitty plays the oak and a woo woo woo we gooooo!

Base

The natural history of cars.....

I guess when you breathe in smoke you do kinda become different.

The same if you live in cubbies for over a day you do tend to feel different towards your mates.

I for one certainly remember the feeling of playing the truant. BV does. He feels like having a day off. Probably gunna ring in sick and leave me to bang out this old panel on me uncles 120Y.

Now here's the thing. We've all had alot of different cars right? From ya first to ya last.

Sing it(To the tune-'Road to Gunagai'):

There was Fawn, there was Hornet, there was Colin on a string, amongst the old tar witchi woo....

There was Buzzy, there was Storm and there was Justy in the moon and there was room for all to swing.

Rememmber Jill? Remember Mazdas with their boot ready to fill?

Stop the song. Turn it off. Im being flooded with too many heart strings....Im all slippy in the mud. Where me go? Why me do a murder? Who fix it? How me get this job?
Why so long a drive way? Why my car all brown and dark inside?

BV? Can you finish the song for me?

(very quietly) There was Buzzy in the mud, against the old pie mungled road......

I have fallen in love.

Silence has been in dire straights. No doubt. Straight up. Here's his account. But to be fair we thought we should track down the beast and get his response. He's in bold bitch. Snaffle:

He's back, the mutt's back. (I'm so tired)

He's never been gone this long before, skinny as rake, ribs on show, covered in ticks the little tiger. (My balls are the driving force behind all my actions)

He seems happy enough though, kinda content, his look says to me "lets keep going."........So we did. (That is my balls talking. Im so tired....)

Straight up on the roof to let the pigeons out for a burn. Watching those guys fly takes me to another place. ( Can I have one to eat?)

I plug the cans in and whack em on me ears, turn it up loud enough to be in the music, quiet enough to hear their wings crack. I'm in a movie........... (What's happened to Silence? Why he flap?)

"Varmints, VARMINTS, get up here now, this shit spins ya out" (And off I go again...into the jungle while Silence soars....balls throbbing, mind racing. I have fallen in love)

Clap your fuckin hands

Too much mate. I feel all loose. Wavy and shit like Im gunna trip out to me own sounds.

I been drummin up heaps of business dudes. Trippy sticky.

Fuck mate Im a replica of meself. Im starvin mate. Starvin Marvin....

What? Whow? Wooo?

Oh Ive had to much brekky? Breeky?

Brekky

Dirty snags

I know for a fact that he was off chasing rabbits in the paddocks over
the back fence.
If I don't track the mutt down quickly he's gone for days.
Let's just say I got a little lost....... Must have been that canon
that I smashed earlier(while BV and Isaw sucked sticks)
No mutt, just this ladywren.
I'll meet you guys at the conifers.

Silence.

So this is Silences' account.

As for me, I remember jumping hot tins of Heinz primed to rocket up into me groin while BV snapped away. Next day we found saucy beans right to the top of the gums mate.

And our mate Shags ate old dirty snags only to come back looking like a lion tamer. Yeh shit man he had to have some doc sit on his chest and squeeze the life outta that little bastard. These were tough times. These were times when cash was scarce....

As for the ladywren......I saw her bathing in a natural spring didnt I?

BV. How'd ya see this one?

Conifers in ten....

Red fuckin gold.

So I met this dude down the rude who was shouting what I thought were obscenities at me.

Put him in our basement and you know the rest....Clamped his head to his thigh until he stopped his motoring mouth.

BV said I should head down and see if he was still 'runnin' which I did immediately.

I wasn't surprised in the least to hear him still bangin on about 'I should sign up for this....I should get into this for a small fee...and could I just sign here please...?'

Pesky little varmint. And I guess that's where I started to feel for this clamped up little fella still spitting out his diatribe down in smr's basement.

I unclamped him and with a swift boot up the backside said...'Now go on get outta here you pesky little varmint.'

He waddled up the staircase complaining his left leg had gone a little numb...No shit sherlock...you been clamped up down in our basement for over an hour...

Off he scampered anyhoo and as he opened up the doors into the real world he turned around and I swear both his fuckin fangs were plated red fuckin gold.

Red fuckin gold. And I wont forget what he's parting words were for another 2-3 days either....

Come with me tonight.....

Sing with me

If you're angry and you know it clap your hands. (clap, clap)
If you're angry and you know it clap your hands. (clap, clap)
If you're angry and you know it but no one will let you show it....
If you're angry clamp their head tight to their thigh. (clap, clap)

Silence sent us this.

Yeh that's right...Our old pal Silence sent this to us with a little message that read...

"Thought you bitches might wanna sweep the floor to this......."

BV's gone mad with the broom.

Sweet

Im serious..

Ive tried everything....Soft soothing sounds to harness my racing mind....Salad to calm my freaking nerves....

It all started when I walked past a hairdressers that looked entirely run down but it was operating-I can tell you that much-and the owner(I presume) stood out the front of his shop and I was downwind and I smelt an aftershave I used to wear when I was sixteen working at Coles, Rosebud....

I took a fall right there in front of the bald owner...Crumbled right there at his feet. He bent down to assist me and I took him by the arm and breathed in his wrist deep....

Shocked he clubbed me with his free hand, I dont blame him one bit but I clung on for life, almost inhaling his wrist.

Since this event I have tried everything to quell my aching heart and frazzled mind. Nothing works except this.

Now you can all hear once and for all what it felt like to be a teenager for Isaw Isonn. Just how wrong I had it all and how Bombed Village and I ended up here in this Godforsaken workshop fixing other peoples fucked up machinery...

We had it wrong from the outset. Someone told me when I was very young what neat was...what a nice smell was and how to dress.

When I find that fucker, Im gunna tip a whole bottle of that aftershave over his tiny pinhead and Im (failing here...sshhhhh) gunna(no strength to carry on) drink(dont say the words) what's leftover(nnnnnnnnoooooooooooo)....

Oh Baldy...Give me that little blue bottle...Im sorry... I love you.........Weepy weepy

Automatic

"Yeah just park her in there... Pleeeenty of room. Just watch the Kelvinator. That's it. Nose it in a little further so the door will shut... yeah mate, it's automatic." Less than 10 seconds later we were sitting in my neighbours garden across the street. The Toyota Crown is a write off!!! And the old Kelvinator... well you know how bloody strong those things are... the door's been ripped clean off it! "Shit mate, what happened?!?!" I'm not gonna name names but me mates gettin old that's all. Well that and we'd just been listening to this. He was all spooked out. All frazzled and you should of seen his boots!! They were always gonna get stuck, weren't they?!

I can't replace the old Toyota Crown or the Kelvinator but by golly i'm gonna get myself a new roller door for the shed - yeah mate, one that's automatic.

Late one Saturday night...

Hey Shags...Shags?

Is this what you saw late one Saturday night?

Takin care of business

Holy shit BV. What happened here? Ive only been gone for 3 weeks.. The place is a mess. There's mop hair everywhere which suggests to me you've tried cleaning....

My god we have some serious work to do here before this place is in any state to start bringing in business. It's like the year has started over again, which it has, and we havent done this for a while, which we havent....

Screw gettin it right, screw havin a plan, bugger stressing if it's gunna work or not....

Lets just get in there and start fixin cars!

Harsh

Shit. Ive got this weird thing where me thigh goes 'pulse' and me neck goes 'snap'. One after the other. Any ideas? Is that common?

I mean I been away as BV mighta told ya and I saw some serious shit.

Real fat people who live up north mate and barely move except for takin the odd photo.

I saw blokes wearing lime green who were so god damn sinister after just two beers I feared for my life and my body.

Oh yeh I was talkin to pricks who said they couldnt understand a word I was fuckin saying.

Oh yeh, I mean I had people who'd named themselves after sesame street characters who had so much fuzz on their face I couldnt see the wood for the trees.

Thats right I saw young men so desperate for affection they'd spend every evening with each other. And they want Isaw Isonn to feel bad for 'em else they wanna punch me lights out? No fuckin way mate. Not I. I just pay me fine and move on.

Oh so ya did your fuckin knee did ya? Right when you was about to be drafted? Didnt we all....Havent we all had a late night with Timmy and he told us he'd never forget us?

Come here...come in real close porky fuzzface and listen....Not only did he forget who or what you are...he never wanted to be there in the first place...he just had to collect his cash.

Pulse...Snap...There it goes again.

Look forward to getting back into our workshop. BV said it's a mess.

I am so sad

For real. I am so sad. A friend told my ignorant ass to read these letters from the coal creek mining disaster in 1902....This is a letter written by one of the victims as he lay gasping his last breath of air.

Isaw is back but he's not very happy about it. He's not happy one little bit about anything.

Rocker

Mate, I'm back! The holidays are over! Check it. I found myself doin the old boot scoot on the weekend. The old side swipe. Tip tap toe. Pie dodge. Left shoe shuffle. Non stop. The odd head bang. A head bang with a smile.

Yeah, it's back to business here at Smi... Hang on a minute... where's Isaw? Boss? Boss? You sweet?

The Junkyard

It's a funny old time of year for us here at Smiley McSlidey. We use January to get back to basics. The leaf's back in the radio and whilst I've been spending most of my days playing two up Isaw's been up north keeping his eggs tidy hanging out with old Crackers McGee!!!



See?

Oh Crackers!


Oooooh. Is he? Ooooooooooooeeeeooooohhhhhhh...

Recovery

'I sat belonely down a tree,
humbled fat and small.
A little lady sing to me
I couldn't see at all.

I'm looking up at the sky,
to find such wonderous voice.
Puzzly puzzle, wonder why,
I hear but have no choice.'


JL 1964

Take me to the hospital

I've been cryin for days. Oooooo ooo hoo hoooooo. I can't stop.

They tell me I might have a hair wrapped around my little toe....?

I'm sick.