(Long Pause)

Im wary of dissing the weather. I know we are all enduring this together and that
some of you retards actually prefer this to 40 degree days. I know the weather isnt listening
to a single complaint, and if in fact it was it takes great pleasure in fucking with my, our, summer.

When I was younger.....

Oh there you go, interrupts the weather.... When I was younger the weather was this,
when I was younger the weather was that.
For God's sake shut the fuck up and take it like a man, or a woman.
Just stop pissing and fucking moaning cos it's a little bit colder
than years gone by. Joel. Shut the fuck up. Ok?

But I...

Uh! I said shut the fuck up.

(Pause)

(Long Pause)

Did the weather just tell me to shut the fuck up? Stop pissing and moaning?
What the....? The fuckin weather, who's ruined my summer, my January, my day...seriosuly just
told me to stop fucking moaning? Did it?!!!!!

Why you...dirty little mother fucker, if I had a chair Id smash it into tiny little pieces all over your face weather.
You hear that motherfucking soft cock weather? Ey?!!!! You hear that?!! That's right you shitty little piece of
shit, who cant stay hotter than 32 degrees for more than 2 days in a row without reverting to 21 and mild and cloudy
and the best you can fucking do you piece of shit is have sunny little breaks and.... last night being Saturday night and you know it's the night when people like to party, you know I havent been out for a fucking month and wont get the chance to again, you turn on a freezing fucking night and zap the joy out of everyone's heart, just because you can and you cant hack, you piece of shit it being to hot cos it's too hard you poor little baby?

Hey?!!!!! You tellin me to stop whineging you scrawny little bastard. You???? Me????

Get the fuck out of my sight and until you can man up just a little bit and supply me with a motherfucking hot fortnight whereby when i arise at 6 am it is already to hot for clothes only to be unbearable by 10 am and unthinkable by 2pm, day in and day out for a fortnight and then I want 3 days of tropical storms, not wintery ones, tropical storms you utter git, then I dont want to hear shit from you you bastard. And if you dare even look at me or speak to me about whingeing, even look sideways at me until you produce the goods that Ive been waiting for you are fucking dead you cunt.

(Silence)

(Long pause and some puffing)

I need help.