A simple purchase turned sour

Use ye olde English speaking voice whilst reading this number (lots of dignified pauses and shit):

Today whilst making a rather straightforward purchase
from a modern day auto-barn type of retailer I happen-stanced
upon an ogre of a man. A wobbling bowl of putty one might describe it as.

He manned the counter no less.

I was making an enquiry in regards to a nut found wanting
on the right rear tyre of my princely Subaru....He was in the
midst of assisting with my request when a woman of substantial looks
did pull up beside me at the counter and engage another shop
assistant with indeed her own purchase.

I took little notice, as I was preoccupied with my own agenda
as I like to think all other's are and should be! I digress.

The woman in question promptly made her purchase, turned and exited the
shoppery. Whence upon I looked at my ogre as he leered at me and spake the words....

I'd give her one.

Indeed not so much spake, but rather grunted as if a possum would upon defecating....
A sound fit for no one I assure you unless you are a possum of course.

Indeed Im sure you would my fat friend. Im sure you would.

However the questions begs to be asked does it not Chunkworthy, would she, this lady minding her own affairs, attractive in her own right and with her whole life before her even get so close to you as to smell your festering sores? Let alone....let you Jabba, give her as you so tenderly put it...... one?

We thinkest not my wobbling bowl of jelly. We thinkest not.

So with your recent remark still ringing in my ears why dont you scoot home, get that stinking pippy of yours
out of its old jockey and stick it in what you Australian's love to call a 4 'n' 20 ey?

Mind you only spin it for 2 minutes this time. Three minutes always scolds doesnt it Titties?

There's a lad.
Run along now Jabba