Thursday, January 13, 2011

34 Year old man?

What scares me alot is this:

If I get murdered, it'll be reported on the evening news and the papers that a 34 year old man was killed this morning...blah blah blah...

A 34 year old man.

I beg to differ.

I do not like to touch foam, hate squeaky sand, dislike having dry finger tips, dont like banging my two index fingers together - point to point, hate dry clay, dry cotton wool, am fine with fingertips down the blackboard, prefer cereal soggy, want to open a cafe called Mash where all food must be just that...mashed..., am fine in the outdoors if there is no option to be indoors, can sit still thinking for hours on end, do not take to exercise unless chasing a ball is involved, fucking hate cats because of they way they are to me, love dogs except pitbull terriers because my Nanna siad I should and I like her sense of drama, love my Nanna's shortbread due to the salt she puts in them, cant distinguish between certain flavours due to an old cricket accident but as a result have an increased awareness of sauces, love to party between September - December, then seem to want to become Mr Peaceful between Jan- March doing exercises and being nice and ordered like that Japanese man I saw on the Shinkanzen who had special 'train slippers'....

Whoah boy...the list goes on. I guess if I do get murdered, rather than writing 'a 34 year old man who was inhaling a pie at Food Plus early this morning just before being shot by a passing car in what appears a random act of murder etc etc', Id like it if some of the above could weave itself into the journo's piece.

That'd make me feel better and be a little more accurate too.

Early this morning in St Albans, a guy who does not like to touch foam was shot by a passing car in what seems to be a case of mistaken idenity. The guy was enjoying one of those soggy chicken rolls he had not heated in its entirety due to a lack of patience. He was rushed to hospital but died soon after. The poor fella wanted to one day open a cafe called Mash, where everything would be mashed. Police have asked any witnesses to come forward.

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