Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Paint Me a Picture

Listen to this and tell me how you feel...

Saturday, November 26, 2011


I dont know about you but every time I walk into the cinema, I walk out of it a different person.
It started with Back to the Future, walked out Michael J Fox...Ive walked out as a dude who just sunk in the ice
after my gorgeous girlfriend opted to let go of my hand, Ive walked out as the gorgeous girl who opted to let go of my spunky
boyfriends hand cos he'd frozen to death.

Ive asked for my hair to be cut exactly as Fox's only to be told mine was to thick, but they could work on my brother's do....
Ive run flat knacker down a street after seeing basketball diaries to see if I could summon some junky tears, and I almost got their.
Knelt down in a sandpit and looked up at the sky and screamed the incomprehensible as I hear the news my beloved's taken her own life back in the ci....

Hang on....It's just Michael J Fox and Leonardo I do this with..What the? I cant think of when else Ive done it?
I think I love them. Both. And I dont care if it's skinny Leo or chubby Leo. I love him, So lay off him you gu...

I digress.

What Im saying is this: Im highly affected by what Im seeing and hearing from one minute to the next.

So Im sorry for the last post.

Im alright now.



Im so scared. Im so scared of strange faces. Deep voices. Dark clothing.
Cold studios. Loveless songs full of industrial soundscapes, confessing to
just that...Love!!!

Why have we as one half of the world sought inspiration from such cold
cold confessions? And why do we question those who get up in the morning,
pop RAGE on and delight in it's airbrushed existence?

Im with my cousins on this one.
Girls pinned up against walls confessing their confessions.
Men with aftershave pleading their case to the girls pinned up
against the wall.

No more of this please. It hurts my feelings.

I see dark clubs, unusual people, licorice, cement floors, and no mummy's anywhere....

Friday, November 18, 2011

Blind man/Lost dog

Today I helped a visually impaired man to cross the road. He reached out and placed his hand
on my arm. We began to cross the road.

As we did so, he apologised for having 'shit on his hands'

I tried to sneak a peek at what and how much of said shit was
on his hands and to what portion was being placed on my person.

But one of us had to keep our eyes peeled on the road ahead so i couldnt catch a glimpse.

I said to the fella, Oh mate. You couldve told me that before you popped your hands
on my arm. What do you mean youve got shit on your hands? I picked up the pace a little.

I work at the lost dogs home he says.

Oh bloody hell. He really has got shit on his hands then. You're just about on your own here Charlie
lest you fess up as to what the turd is on your clammy little mits or let go and Ill guide you by voice.

Nooooooo, he says. Not really shit. Not real shit. Not dog shit.
I slow down a notch.

Ive just been patting them all day and grooming them. You know...? Just dog all over my hands
Did no one guide you to a sink? Did you ask?

We reach the other side, I make sure he's right to be on his way and head to the nearest public
dunny to wash my wrist. I hate dog on me. Especially lost dog. That's why they've been let go and lost in the first place.

They bloody stink.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Tonights the night

Graaaaaavy waaaaaaavy 2am-6am 3RRR FM 102.7 FM

This and that

Friday, November 11, 2011

Potato Cakes

Potato cakes. Ive eaten old ones and enjoyed them.
Ive eaten them straight out of the deep-frier and had a great time.

Ive put soy sauce on them and really wished they wouldnt end.
Ive over sauced them with tomato sauce and still found something to enjoy.

Ive licked down over 8 in one sitting at St Andrew's market whilst being so stoned
the whole world felt it was on a tilt.

Ive dribbled vinegar over them only for it to soak through the bag and just loved it.

Ive rung up Bombed Village and said do you wanna hook up just under the Westgate
and have a bag? He says yes and we do.

I had it bad at TAFE. I was knockin back hash-pipes and inhaling potato cakes in every

There's a photo of me asleep on the train, Lilydale line and I look like a
mentally ill beached whale.

So it came time for me to pull my head in. No more brown little bags for fatty.
Held back on the Toobs and Egg Flip Big M's as well.

And all Im sayin is......every day is a fight. Ive taken to the whole cafe thing. How can you not
when they are everywhere? Yes please, Ill have the ham off the bone with goats cheese roll with
special sauce, or maybe Ill have the 2 minute duck eggs and a side of pork belly.....whatever...

All I really want, all i ever think about are potato cakes. Eating them in the car park of wherever I
bought em. I know where every milk bar is in my area and I know what they serve. I keep a photo
of me as the beached whale laminated in my wallet when I get weak and walk in one. I eye em off.
I can tell right away how long theyve been there and how old the oil they were cooked in was.

I love them even when other people dont. Potato hard in the middle, crispy batter, soggy batter, it dont matter to me.

I fuckin love em.

Im going to get one now.

Thursday, November 10, 2011



If the Lord came down and demanded an explanation
as to why one would set him/herself on fire
id give It the above explanation and stare straight back
in Its beady little eyes and tell It to fuck off back up to

You heard me.


Monday, November 7, 2011


Tell me why you think it is?

Me and my 3 mates did these things amongst other things.

1. Did a poo in a court designed for a new estate. No houses around. No witnesses. Nothing, 'cept mapped out driveways and weeds...It was a Tuesday night about 9.47pm

Did a poo in the Yarra and watched as our mate tried to swim away from it.

Ate pizzas out of the Pizza Hut bin way before it was popular and it had nothing to do with avoiding waste. We'd come-a-cropper of $1.15 for a stick of garlic bread. Instead of doing the sensible thing and finding that $1.15 we searched for the unthinkable. Bin-bread. And when we found then unfindable, we did the unthinkable. We ate it. It was filthy.

Knocked on a random door and yelled at the poor woman who opened it and then sped off
only to get rung by the police and bought down to the station for questioning. Let off on account of the police deeming the prank to senseless to be charged with an offense. Ill always remember that sergeants disgust and my lack of shame. I wanted to say to him, hey....this is definitely my fault, but dont blame me.

I cant make sense of any of it from this vantage point yet it all seems perfectly reasonable....still. Intuitively.

Sexually frustrated? Delinquency? A product of bad parenting?
Nope. Not at all. We all come from fine families. Not particularly visionary families but loving ones all the same. Actually upon reflection possibly the first option holds a little water....but still Im pretty sure the reason is.....

We grew up in Mooroolbark.

I know...I know you all have similar stories of getting detention for weeing in a bin in P13 but did everyone have the same senselessness pervading every act and every thought behind every act? And if so, do you still connect with that sense of senselessness? And if yes....then why dont you tell me about it? Why when I say to you I spent Saturday night at a 7/11 and enjoyed it, why do you look at me like Im a fuckwit? I had a really good night.

Which is it? Me or you?

Please. Is it me or you?

Oh dear. Like I say. It's my fault but dont blame me.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

The ol heart strings

I do. I like a tune that pulls on the ol' heart strings whilst being completely self indulgent and exclusively of no interest to the common people.

Id never been on tour before. 'Til I heard this one.

I have now. Heaps

Monday, October 17, 2011

Donny the dentist

I came over to Japan to see what it had to offer. More precisely, I came over for a rest.
I needed it. After going flat chat for 2 years I had reached the end of my functional piece of string.
Never before I had functioned for two years, I doubt I will again.

I spent the majority of my teens and young adult life being non functional.
At the point I crossed over into adulthood (approx 29 years of age) I had myself a little breakdown, the mother of all dysfunction and started rebuilding until low and behold I looked just like everyone else!

Anyhow thats what bought me to Japan. I needed a rest. Jetstar that under privileged airline went beyond themselves
and afforded me my own line of seats with which to sprawl out on for an entire 8 hrs. They wanted to charge me for movies and television to which I resisted and I read S.E. Hinton's The Outsiders and kept swinging wildly between opinions that hoodlums did not speak like that to each other at any stage of life , and god bless the socially downtrodden and what a wonderful young adult depiction of adolescence it was!!

Anyhow, flawless was delivery from Narita airport into my little dark hotel room on a Friday night in one of the premium cities of the world! I was free....and I felt it. Out I headed to get mildly drunk so I could partake in that thing Ive missed since functionality became my bed partner...sleep. I was going to sleep like a motherfucker on this trip. I was a golden boy I tells ya. Pure in thought and all the corners tucked in nicely and to be in a city that appreciated such stylings too... do impress me.

Anyhow down the dark steps of my favorite sake bar I trod and after some awkward exchanges between customer and owner I force my way agreeing to whatever conditions he just set down for entry and I start to drink and check my phone which has no network until i get the feel of things around me.

3 or 4 sakes later and a bowl of soba Im ready to leave and head to bed when a strapping young gent whom later identifies himself as Donny the dentist from Glasgow rolls in and it's only polite for me to stay and have another sake with him. He's got a trendy pair of overalls on and chest hair popping out from beneath his singlet and blue eyes that offset his olive skin. Dark hair and a thin Scottish accent that I can easily understand and admire. We talk and drink. About the riots, Brighton, Bristol, dentistry, Melbourne and other get to know you things. Lovely.

He tells me about a tiny little club right around the corner from here that is supposed to play great tunes, not techno which Donnie doesnt like and he presumes already that I will be coming with him. Im powerless. Once someone has presumed something of me I normally give it. Had he asked genuinely Id have found the ability to decline, but he presumed and I accepted. It's how most of my drug taking took place in my 20's.

Anyhow we trundle down to the club and Donnie is right! It's amazing!!! Tiny, full and great music from the 50's. Im at home. Im drunk well and truly now but not messy and Im with Donnie who is chasing women all over the dancefloor only to exclaim to me with his lips tripping over themselves in his generic Scottish accent that 'i'll take that as a no then'....the lady eventually turning down his request for god knows what. Donnie, careful I's not that type of club. People are here to enjoy themselves not be chased around by a dentist.

Anyhow I eventually leave Donnie and spill out into the street, really drunk now. Damn it...all that transience from the plane ride bought undone in a matter of hours!! Im a useless white male I think to myself. All the philosophy, the commitment to tranquility bought undone by one strapping 25 year old dentist from Glasgow! Damn you Donnie! Damn you.

The next day I receive an email from Donnie. I must have passed it onto him at the height of my intoxication. It is brief and says he feels like boiled dog shit. I read on and he says the usual...if you're ever in the UK look me up and vice a versa...Then it signs off with this.

'As a tip, you should check to see if the toilets in your hotel have the arse jet wash system that the ones here do. Never come across them before but it really seems to help with the hangover.'

I laughed heartily, returned to my hotel and immediately took a seat upon my toilet and took Donnie's advice.
He was dead right. It really did help.

Thanks Donnie. For all of it. Arse jet and all

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Tarax Creamy Soda

Just remembered I entered a competition with Tarax Creamy Soda
around 1985 where it said every entrant would be notified of the
result by May 5th. I know that because it was my birthday.

I remember I would have known if I was the winner of about $700
for my 8th birthday. But noone notified me, win or lose.

I wonder if this was the point where I started reading the crucial part of instructions/directions incorrectly?

Monday, October 3, 2011

Celica Girl

Once I was completely obsessed with this girl called Celica Girl.
Pretty much stalked her without ever really breaking the law.

Didnt have the heart to go straight up to her and put my heart on the line.
Actually, didnt know you were allowed to do that. So...did the next best thing and followed her. Eventually enough casual bump ins did the trick, co-ordinated my Fri night with hers, casually, no date required here and then prepared to make our moves on the dancefloor. I think Deni Heines provided the soundtrack to our love.

They've over worked the dried ice on the dance floor so we wait until it's cleared
and I can make out Celica Girl's long legs amongst the other riff raff. There she is.
She has flow from where Im at it seems. I move slowly, pretending I haven't seen her yet, sipping my Midouri Illusion like it's an aged wine.

She'll see me first. Like Michael Hutchence I move through the cloud and into her space. Im here Celica Girl. Im here. I look up from my shaker. Legs and arms akimbo. She's looking right at me. I hadnt seen her smile before. She looked better melancholy, thought I. That's alright but what the hell is this octopus doing in front of her waving about like it's been poisoned??

My god. It's her. God dammit, the bloke on the smoke machine has gone fucking nuts. I cant see a thing. Just these limbs of hers.

Flapping like a chicken.

And that was it. Celica Girl was flapping like a chicken on the dance floor. She was actually doing the chicken dance and she wasnt meaning too. I remember now. It wasnt Deni it was Tori Amos, and the girl I had painted into a corner as being my saviour and whom could do no wrong was doing wrong. Very wrong. Smiling like a nomad and giving it all to me but flapping like a chicken.

Im not proud of what I did next but it's instinctive. I waited for the knob to hit his smoke machine button one more time - gas the place out and in the haze with a whirl of arms and legs darting in and out I vanished. Into the Piano Bar.

Propped my Illusion up on the Grand and joined the back of the group for another fucking rendition of the song about filling up at the gas pump or whatever the fuck it is.

All the while.....Chic...I mean Celica Girl's arms and legs cavorting at the brink of my memory.

Sunday, October 2, 2011


Watched the footy. Drank some cans with Silence.
Went home bathed some kids and BV rang up and said
why not come out with him?

He picked us up from 7/11 and we hotfooted it to soul night.
Soul music is shit. I dont wanna get happy when Im dancing and
happiness whilst dancing is not conducive to finding someone to dance with or around.

It's like exercise where people head off on their own trip and get all blissed
out at the beats. So soul music as enticing as it sounds is not mine, nor BV's and barely Silence's bag....

I want down and dirty. Get down low and leap frog ya way into the pasture. It's a competition to see who can get the lowest. Probably BV...but let's all try.

Got home at a reasonable hour, BV showed me one...just one bloody old mate from high school on Facespace who shagged it over to Dublin and 2 hours later I snapped out of my daze with a snickers on my chest staring at some Musleena Mary Consarda who'd got married in Israel and was kissing her baby boy.

Fuckin Faceneck mate. A dangerous old place to be if you aint immune to the past and all its trappins

Friday, September 30, 2011


This was a lotta lotta fun!

Requiem - Killing Joke - Killing Joke

The Choral Sea - Split Enz - True Colours

Horoscope - No Zu - No Age

New Life - Depeche Mode - Speak & Spell

When We Hit The Ground - Monnone Alone - 7"

Hospital - The Modern Lovers - The Modern Lovers

A Chicken With It's Head Cut Off - The Magnetic Fields - 69 Love Songs

Mis'ry is my Middle Name - Warren and John Ellis - Where Joy Meets Sorrow

Subterranean Homesick Blues - Bob Dylan - Bringing it all Back Home

Going Up - Echo and the Bunnymen - Crocodiles

Overground - Siouxise and the Banshees - The Scream

Primitive - Killing Joke - Killing Joke

Aint No Fun - AC/DC - Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

Miss Judy's Farm - The Faces - A Nod is as Good as a Wink to a Blind Horse

Thought Ballune - Unknown Mortal Orchestra - Unknown Mortal Ochestra

Puppet to the Man - Kurt Vile - Smoke Ring For My Halo

Sweet Jane - Blue Aeroplanes - Loved E.P.

Just What I Needed - The Cars - The Cars

Hanging Around - The Stranglers - Rattus Norvegicus

Release the Beast - Breakwater - Discovered: A Collection of Daft Funk Samples

Wipeout Beat - Alan Vega - Saturn Strip

Hanging On - Active Child - You Are All I See

Pale Shelter - Tears for Fears - The Hurting

Whatever Leads Me to You - Geoffery Oconnor - Vanity is Forever

Cry Cry Cry - Roxy Music - Manifesto

Sulky Girl - Robert Palmer - Looking For Clues

Scanners - Assassins 88 - New Weird Australia Compilation

Ashes in the Fall - Rage against the Machine - The Battle of Los Angeles

El Rodeo - Kyuss - ....and the circus leaves town

Cantina - Richard Davies - Telegraph

Air - Frente - Shape

Sunrise - Transformer - CDR

Something in the Way - Nirvana - Nevermind

May This Be Love - The Jimi Hendrix Experience - Are you Experienced

Happiness is a Warm Gun - The Beatles - The White Album

Words of Love - Neil Young and Crazy Horse - Zuma

California - Low - The Great Destroyer

Love is What I Say - INXS - The Swing

When Love Breaks Down - Pre Fab Sprout - Steve McQueen

Planet Health - Chairlift - Does You Inspire You

The Quiet Planet - Solar Bears - She Was Colored In

Eighties - Killing Joke - Night Time

Acting Out - Iron Curtain - Artifact

Honeymine - Korralleven - Honeymine E.P.

Eat Yr Heart - HTRK - Work (

Sometimes - My Bloody Valentine - Loveless

Carry Me Ohio - Sun Kill Moon - Ghosts of the Great Highway

Time Has Told Me - Nick Drake -- Five Leaves Left

Goodnight Irene - Dutch Tilders - Working Man

Heart Attack and Vine - Tom Waits - Heart Attack and Vine

Coming Apart at Every Nail - Neil Young - Hawks and Doves

Red Hot - Robert Gordon w Link Wray

Faith/Void - Bill Callahan - Sometimes I wish we Were an Eagle

Thursday, September 1, 2011


The smorning I wondered at our insistence on differentiating between the
fork and the the spoon/fork or spork.

Is this necessary? Does the little bit of spoon in the fork
actually aid the eating of food? Are there certain foods one might choose
a spork over a fork or does it just come down to which one comes out of the

If you pull a spork out but were intending upon a fork do you really go back through
the drawer and acquire a fork? Or do you stay with the spork?

Or if you pulled out a fork but had in mind to utilise a spork do you hunt
down said spork or just think, fuck it, a fork will do? And if you are the latter,
what food is it that so requires a spork?

In short: Is it necessary to differentiate in name between
the fork and spork, if so, why?

For the record....although I find the term spork comical, Im happy to call both
utensils forks and alternate their use between foods.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Curriculum Day

It's been too long.

Some Pearl Jam, a skate video and a coupla boobs
pearin round the corner at ya.

Another families biscuits and strange strange rituals.
You drink what flavoured cordial???? What's that couch made of anywho?!!
Craaaaaaaaazy. But count me in.
Definitely count me in Suzi.

Im here til 3.03pm. Do ya worst...

Curriculum day.

'Monked it'

Have you ever 'monked it'?
We have. Many many times over.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Gravy Wavy

Talking to a Stranger - Hunters and Collectors - Hunters and Collectors

Cold Cold Change - Midnight Oil - Head Injuries

Masturbation Generation - Boys Next Door - Lethal Weapons

As You Walk - The Stiff Kittens - As You Walk

Dum Dum Diggy - The Stiff Kittens - As You Walk

Big Bertha - The Meanies- Wally's Wild Weekend

Monnone Alone - When we hit the Ground - 7"

Gemini - Wild Nothing - Gemini

Single Space - Absolute Boys - 7"

Sometimes - My Bloddy Valentine - Loveless

Falling - Wedding Present - Hit Parade

Horoscope - No Zu - New Age

Radiance - Openheimer Analysis - Minimal Wave Tapes

Honey mine - Korallreven - Honey mine

Air - Frente - Shape

May This Be Love - Jimi Hendrix - Are you Experienced

Remember A Day - Pink Floyd - Saucer Full of Secrets

Be My Wife - David Bowie - Low

Sulky Girl - Robert Palmer - Clues

Dance Away - Roxy music - Manifesto

Inside and Out - Feist - Let it Die

Night People - Allen Toussaint - Motion

Lil Much Grapefruit Sound - Baba - X - X

Drive Me Crazy - Rimar _ Higher Ground

Savages - Erothug - CDR

Country Grammer - Nelly - Country Grammer

Not the Average - Jeru the Damaja - Wrath of the Math

Anyday But Sunday - INXS - 7"

Neon Rainbow - The Reels - Great Gift Ideas From The Reels

Ashes in the Fall - Rage Against the Machine - Battle of Los Angeles

Eyeball to Eyeball - Ouch My Face - 7"

Mr Moustache - Nirivana - Bleach

Born with a Curse - The Wipers - Is this Real (Box Set)

Intor/Flowers - Grimes - Halfaxa

Quiet Planet - Solar Bears - She Was Colored In

Quantam Leap - John Maus - We Must Become the Pitiless Censors of Ourselves

Hunchback - Kurt Vile - Childish Prodigy

Gravity - Freakwater - Old Paint

Heart Attack and Vine - Tom Waits - Heart Attack and Vine

Practice Twice - Sam Prekop - Sam Prekop

Im Your Angel - John Lennon/Yoko Ono - Double Fantasy

Well Well Well - John Lennon - Plastic Ono Band

Kim and Jesse - M83 - Saturdays = Youth

When Love Breaks Down - Pre Fab Sprout - Steve McQueen

She Bangs the Drum - Stone Roses - Stone Roses

Drawing Straws - Sandpit - The Tyranny of Creeps

Disappearer - Sonic Youth - Goo

Need you Now - Cut Copy(Architecture in Helsinki remix - B side from Zonoscope

On Inch Shadow - These Immortal Souls - Get Lost, Dont Lie

Puke and Cry - Dinsoaur Jr - Green Mind

Hawks and Doves - Neil Young - Hawks and Doves

Turpentine Farm - Charlie Parr - When the Devil Goes Blind

Cabwaylingo - Songs Ohia - Songs Ohia

Carry Me Ohio - Sun Kill Moon - Ghosts of the Great Highway

My Name is Emmet Till - Emylou Harris - Hard Bargain

Lucky Boy - Matty Charles - 7"

Woman - John Lennon/Yoko Ono - Double Fantasy

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Friday, August 12, 2011

Am I going to have a car crash?

Im sitting here and it's late on a Friday night and I used
to get all party on my arse at this time but today has been different and I feel
all emotional. Dont I?

So today started by going to see something that made me all wobbly. Didnt it?
I bought a coffee and started crying when the man handed it to me. He just looked at me
and I looked at his giant lobes.

Then I got to work and I moved thousands of boxes from one place to another
and then once Id moved them I moved them all back and my fingers were all dusty werent they?

And then I felt like Id completed a number of large tasks both physical and mental didnt I?

And then I put this on.
And now I feel like Im going to have a car crash on my way home dont I?

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Flickedy Flame

Last night me and BV were sucking down slim fingers at the back of the bar whilst
a dude we've known for ages played his trumpet and his gong in the front bar.
Terrible he was, but we felt alive for the first time in a while.

This morning we 'came across' this.

So I say to you....even when things are at their most horribillus...
and you seek occassion to hope - only to doubt that little flame that flickers....


Flickedy Flame, you were right to stay alight, and we were right to shield you from the wind.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Slight erection

For the first time in a long time someone has finally connected their dots between hypnotic electronica and amazingly
soulful songwriting.

And the effect is like having Rhianna sing Only Girl in the World to me live in my loungeroom.
Goose bumps cover my skin, slight erection, like the first couple of times you try smoking and
something you can leave with that stays with you forever....

Take your demented soul, your parents money, your anger at not having enough to be angry at
and fuck off.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Little black dot

On Saturday night I went to a friend's 40th birthday.
I had but a few pennies to spend so had assured those around me
I would be back early and in a sober condition.

Upon reaching the bar at said friend's 40th I reached into my pockets
for a $20 note to pay for my beverage.

At that point someone reached across and drew a single black dot
on my wrist. The bar tender did not take my $20 note upon eyeing this little
black dot.

And so it was....that little black dot went on to cause me a great deal of pain.
And now I need someone to hold me.

Very tightly.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Kangaroo Ground

Dont shows like Q&A just perpetuate the myth that politicians are listening to us and more to the point that politicians can change things for us? I mean hasnt the race for the middle ground become so watered down, hence the title middle ground, that anything that's achieved for the sake of such a demographic is so lacking in li......

Huh? What?! Fuck I cant hear you BV. Wha?

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhh.

Now what was I saying?

Oh yeh. So I was like totally at this party and in this tiny small room blocked off by a curtain (oh man I remember that curtain) and some dude came in and shoved my head through a broken window and everyone was screaming and about 10 minutes later my two mates, BV and Shinny Two Shoes come bustin down the hallway, chests puffed out saying who smashed our mate???? We're gunna take him out. By that time I was already talking about theatre with my adversary somewhat nervously I might add....

Later that night, I slept on a ladder with BV in a paddock and the next morning the girl's ma who threw the party cooked us beans on toast in exchange for our labor, cleaning up etc etc, but as soon as we'd gobbled up her goodness we hot footed it down to Buzzy Buzzborne and sped off. We've never seen those people since!

It was in Kangaroo Ground which for some reason I always think is like an island.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Upwards into the sky

Maaaaaaaate. I used to not be able to cope with life. Work. Love. Family. All the essentials. I'd get knocked down and I'd get up again but then I'd get knocked down and get up again facing the wrong direction only to be knocked down from behind whilst trying to get up and boom I'd knock myself over whilst thinking i was in the act of getting get the picture.

Had a 'mate' at my 18th get so pissed that he fell over during speeches and thought he'd fallen upwards onto the roof, which was actually the sky. Everyone stopped to look at Brock spinning round in the camellias on his back screaming like a deflating balloon wondering what all the fuss was.

He'd fallen upwards into the sky and hit the bleeding roof. I had sympathy for him then and there. Since then he's gone on to grow a goatee the size of small field and says things like, oh win some you lose's all good, and ..... you take what you can, so Ive less time for him and his field.

Anyhow...I digress. I can now work, love and eat with my family and mostly without incident, infact one might say it gives me great pleasure to do all these things. But there is one thing I cannot bare. It grieves me so.

Small bins. Wheelie bins. Green ones that you put out at night and bring in the next day. The angle those things must be tilted at to make them wheel is next to impossible. I am yet to do it without that little green fucker clipping my ankles and immediately, without warning fall to the ground. Out spills bin juice, clunk goes the plastic on my driveway, and with optimisim.

Sure Id rather lead the life Im leading now compared to the aforementioned one but this bin problem of mine, the way it aches my back to tilt it so and lightly clips my heels with such clanging consequences reminds me that all is not well somewhere. And that somewhere might be here.

When did we move to small bins and stop using their big brothers? Why do some people get the big ones and some the small? And why for the love of God can I not get mine onto the lawn or inside my gate without it all going so wrong?

It speaks of larger imperfections that I strive to ignore, strive to balance out....but clip....Im reminded every Monday/Tuesday that I cant and never will.

Monday, July 4, 2011


Once I copped a job shaking tins cnr of Warrandyte Rd and Maroondah Hwy.
Nervous as fuck I was.

Had my bib on carrying my credentials.


Steadily my confidence grew as my feet ached in their Blunnys.
You knew who was likely and who wasnt to hand over some schrapnel
and then occassionaly you'd get surprised one way or another.

Nearing the end of my shift, Mark 'Jacko' Jackson rolled up in what I thought then was a
red, top-down, Ferrari/Lambourgini, but now reckon was probably a Mazda. Face like an arse.


Lingering quietly, unobtrusively I was....Like a forward pocket poised to pounce.
Lulling my opponent into a false sense of security.

Red light stays red.


He's 6 or 7 vehicles back from the front of traffic. Any minute now he'll pull out a wad and stuff it into my tin and Ill say shit...thanks Jacko! For all the world to see....

Front car moves. So does the second. Jacko's eyes do not waver. He purrs that pathetic engine of his and slowly moves off.


Mother fucker didnt even flip me a coin! I look around to see who saw what I saw, but they're all Eastland bound potato cake in hand.

But I remember Jacko..It wasnt that you didnt rattle my's that you didnt take your eyes from the road....

How bout a wink, or a shimmy...fuck it...even an up yours?

Im taking 10.50 an hour here from a charity and Im a long way from the action
and I sure could have done with a, how's ya father.

So on

These are dark days and the skies know it.
Much has come to pass and the present seems to know it.

Nothing is to come, the past confirms it.

Drone machine

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Men in my laundry

I am not the first to dream about this lady nor will I be the last.

Everyone always says, oh I cant believe you havent seen the Blues Brothers, oh you havent seen Lynch's masterpiece?
What? You mean you havent heard The Stone Roses? Where have you been?

Ive been getting ready.

The time hasnt been right for me.
But now that time is right. And so Ive been swallowed up whole by Twin Peaks.

And everything you already know and have had happen to you is now happening to me.
Ill post things you've already thought about. Already done. But they are only just happening to me.
Bombed Village said it will destroy me in one way and save me in another.

Very apt BV. Each night I get home, I eat, I domesticate and then I get into bed and put it on.

I watch it like a child does TV for the first time. I vanish only to be confronted with myself as the credits roll away
and that Lynch/Frost logo cracks onto my screen. Carefully, I pull back the covers and head down the hallway praying i dont see anyone crouched in my laundry as I march to the bathroom.

Back in bed I prepare myself for my dreams.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Don't do it

I don't care if it's about to be the year 2000.
New century. Bombed village's backyard in his new joint in St kilda.
A couple of English birds the bike courier introduced you too, who may
or may not have taken a shine to you. I don't care what the situation is.

I don't care if you just shouted down the phone to ya mate in Scotland who
is 10 hrs behind you and you've had ya mind blown by the different timezones in
the world. Nah. I don't care.

It's not on. Just cos noone was on the mic (what the hell was a microphone doing
in the backyard with the stereo) and the music had momentarily stopped. I don't care about the reefer you just took in makin you feel so good. I don't care if they'd just played a an appropriate track. You do absolutely NOT get on that mic and pronounce to all and sundry gathered there to see in a new century that you think you sound like Chuck D and/or the dude from SNAP. You do not do that!! Especially if you are not 100% sure you have the words to such a well loved tune exactly correct.

Was it a coincidence the English birds with the low boobs took off after it happened?
We'll never know. But we've got a fair idea.

Base. How low can you go?
Death road. Water buffalo

Want to get back is the impenetrable.
The ryhyme animal. The incredible.

Peace. Public enemy number 1
5 volts and freeze and I got none.

And I said that a brother never had a gun.
But it's the wax that the terminator x spun

(After getting most of the last two lines almost entirely correct
and giving yourself a shot at some cohesion and audience/performer interaction
it's imperative you keep such flow going, as opposed to skipping 3 more verses
and cutting in with the only two other lines you know)

Black is back all in we're gunna win. Check it out.
Yeh boy (was that supposed to be Flavour Fav?)
Here we go again.

Turn it up
Bring the noise.

Insert record scratching noises that double as a squirrel being violated.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Simple Simon

Sometimes i think life would be simpler If I stopped talking.


Saturday, June 11, 2011


Catch a moment in time - Mocky (Ewan Pearson Remix) - Piece Work

2 Star Motel - The Steinbecks - at Home and Abroad With The Steinbecks

Letter From a Lifeboat - The Sugargliders - We're all Trying to Get There

Too Young - Eagle and the Worm - Good Times

Transdermal Celebration - Ween - Quebec

California - Low - The Great Destroyer

Drone Machine - Grand Rapids - CDR

Thought Ballune - Unknown Mortal Orchestra - CDR

Break Free Ya Mind - Matt Sonic and the High Times - Break Free Ya Mind

Maladjusted Child - Blue Cheer - What Doesnt Kill You

Charisma - Kiss - Dynasty

Too School for School - Cassanovas - 7"

Cosmic Flash - Billy Green - Stone

Carnage Visors - The Cure - Carnage Visors

Other Voices - The Cure - Faith

Horoscope - No Zu - New Age

The Eternal - Joy Division - Closer

Mr Alphabet Says - The Glove - Blue Sunshine

Silver-Blue - Thurston Moore - Trees Outside The Academy

Benediction - Thurston Moore - Demolished Thoughts

Total Trash - Sonic Youth - Daydream Nation

Puke and Cry - Dinosaur Jr - Green Mind

Cheap and Cheerful - The Kills - Midnight Boom

Flooded - Von Sudenfed - Tromatic Reflexxions

Very First Century - Damn Dogs - CDR

You on the Run - The Black Angels - Directions to See A Ghost

The Disease - Echo and the Bunnymen - Heaven up Here

Black Hearted Love - PJ Harvey and John Parish - A Woman A Man Walked By

Plains - Wye Oak - Civillian

Aura Flame - Kit and Con - CDR

This Weight - Big Scary - Sampler

No Time For Games - Midnight Oil - Bird Noises

Space Shuttle - INXS - 7"

Here Comes II -INXS -7"

Streets of Your Town - The Go-Betweens -16 Lovers Lane

Apetite - Pre Fab Sprout - Steve Mcqueen

Frankie Teardrop - Suicide - Suicide

Channel - Nile Delta - CDR

A Cave - Shelley Short - The Cave, The Canoe

Daddy Problems - Collarbones - Beaman Park

Oh Yeh - Jim Patterson - CDR

Love Wont Wait - Machine Translations - Seven

Quicksand - David Bowie - Hunky Dory

Dominoes - Syd Barrett - Barrett

Need You Now - Cut Copy (Architecture in Helsinki remix) - CDR

Chasing After Deer - Midlake - The Trials of Van Occupanther

Tried and True - Ween -Quebec

My Cloud - Gil Scott Heron and Jamie XX - We're New Here

Charlie Darwin - The Low Anthem - Smapler

Tuesday, June 7, 2011


We doin the Graveyard early Thursday morning.
RRR FM 102.7 FM 2am - 6am

Im gunna play the Bee Gees before they got all shiny.

Arctic Blast

I see the young lass in my rearview mirror
licking her chops. She cant stop. She's unaware
she's even licking them. Her tongue's a lizard
testing out the windchill factor, going back inside
only to stick it's head out again and make sure the reading it got was right.

Cant be.

Yep, is.

Naaaa, cant be that cold.

Yep is.




No way!

Yep. 'Tis

She reaches into her backpack and pulls out mittens.
Not fingerless gloves. Fully hand sewn mittens. Not even
with finger shapes. Hand socks.

Light goes green. I drive off and hit DUAL on the
heater. In the mirror I see her in her Katmandu get-up
and that little lizard still checking the temperature.

Holy shit. This is cold.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

The Cure

Ive got to write this really quickly.
On Tuesday night Bombed Village and I flew up to Sydney
on Tiger airlines. Herded like chickens onto the smallest plane ever built where a decidedly disinterested lepricorn mumbled safety instructions at us.

We wouldnt have it any other way.

We flew to Sydney. Leaving Melbourne. One city was wonderful, the other miserable.
We loved both of them.

Went to the worst part of Sydney, found the dodgiest pub and drank some of their watery
brew. Snaffled a B.L.A.T. with old chips. Wonderful. Went to our accommodation. 3 English kids slept in the dorm and had made it their own. Lynx was in the air and only served to make the dorm smell worse. NB: Lynx does not make bad smells vanish. It makes them worse. So deal with the bad smell first, then use Lynx.

Left accommodation. Traveled by train to the Opera House. Sat inside and watched The Cure play their first 3 albums. Amazing. Ive got shivers, as I recall it. I didnt have shivers then. We just watched and studied. Everything. Robert Smith amazed us with his skills and it seemed for a moment even he was taken back all 33 years to a different time and place, pre-make up, pre bed-hair and we watched and listened intently as his voice told of his different emotions. Letting us decide what they were. Love, whizzing past too fast to slow down.

The band were amazing, in that they werent. Very few tricks. Sometimes it looked like they wished they'd never recorded a particular song and grimaced at playing it. Sometimes they looked and felt like they'd only ever written that song, and that it was enough for a lifetime.

Heaps of other stuff happened. But like I say...I gotta be quick. Me kids asleep on the front doorstep and when he wakes I have to have sausages ready.

I love Sydney. I love The Cure. I love Tiger airlines. If you're into paying homage, then this was a night spent learning how to do it properly. Dont. Just play.

We're really really glad we went.

And now we dont have any money.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011


The Witnesses - Paradise Motel - Australian Ghost Stories

Oh Yeh - Jim Patterson - CDR

Teardrop Tattoo - Martin Craft - Silver and Fire

A Burning Fire - Oliver Mann - Oliver Mann Sings

Racing Car Driver - Sandro - Live By Rivers

Tellmesomethingawesomebeforeigotosleep - Balaam Acab (Pink Priest Remix) - CDR

Funny.....Not Funny - Anonymeye - The Disambiguation of Anonymeye

Prelude - Nico - The Marble Index

The Rhinohead - Von Sudenfed - Tormatic Reflexxions

Why Wont You Make Up Your Mind? - Tame Impala - Innerspeaker

Hunchback - Kurt Vile - Childish Pornography

Blow Up - Grand Rapids - CDR

Interstellar Overdrive - Pink Floyd - Demo Sessions, Piper at the Gates of Dawn

Tendrils and Paracetamol - The Moles - Untune the Sky

Stow A Way - Die Haut w/ Nick Cave - Burning the Ice

Day of the Lords - Joy Division - Unknown Pleasures

Shell Shock - New Order - 12"

Never Let Me Go - The Human League - CDR

Apetite - Prefab Sprout - Steve Mcqueen

Pale Shelter - Tears For Fears - The Hurting

Gemini - Wild Nothing - Gemini

Jumping Someone Else's Train - The Cure - Three Imaginary Boys

Play For Today - The Cure - Seventeen Seconds

Holy Hour - The Cure - Faith

Rebel With a Cause - The Wipers - The Wipers Box Set

Cold Cold Change - Midnight Oil - Head Injuries

Down Payment Blues - AC/DC - Powerage

10 out of 10 - The Cassanovas - 7"

Talking to a Stranger - Hunters n Collectors - Hunters n Collectors

Wanna be ya Baby - Teenage Radio Stars - Lethal Weapons

Deutscher Girls - Andam and the Ants - Jubilee

Lookout - Love of Diagrams - Nowhere Forever

Dressed Sharply - An Horse - Walls

Holy Holy - Wye Oak - Civillian

Signs of Life - Echo Echo - CDR

Savages - Erothug - CDR

Eleven Twelve - Dream Kit (Galapagoose Ghost Rumble)- Future Tense

The Cabinet - Das Cabinet - Minimal Wave

Tashkent - Collarbones - Beaman Park

Run's House - Run DMC - Tougher than Leather

Night People - Allen Toussaint - Motion

Too Young - Eagle and the Worm - Good Times

In Shades - Tom Waits - Heart Attack and Vine

Hard Travellin - Woody Guthrie - 12"

Stories - The Gold Coats - 7"

Turpentine Farm - Charlie Parr - When the Devil Goes Blind

The Speed of the Sound of Loneliness - Robert Forster - Where Joy Kills Sorrow

My Wife Thinks You're Dead - Junior Brown - Guit with It

Lucky Boy - Matty Charles - 7"

Old Man - Neily Young - Harvest

In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning - Frank Sinatra - In the Wee Small Hours

Little Suitcase - Luluc - Dear Hamlyn

Maybe Im Dreaming - Postal Blue - EP

It Must Have Been Love - Crayon Fields - Make Peace With Love

Stove - Erics Trip - Love Tara

Green Glass Bottles - Atlas Sounds - Bedroom Databank - Vol 1

Friday, May 20, 2011

Snappy Tom

Once Bombed Village was so hard up for cash when he was living on the south side that he took his Big Muff
into a pawn shop and asked for $50. She said 'I give you $20'

He'd paid over a hunge for it.

$50. It wasnt a question.

$20. Her's was an answer.

BV had a mates cat to feed who wasnt gunna see out the week
if she didnt get some Snappy Tom and fast, but he himself was weak
with hunger and hadnt seen the bottom of a chip packet for a few days.

He slammed his fist down on the counter and saw the poor frightened rabbit's
look in her eyes. Another junkie in desperate need? No. Nothing like it.

BV backed right off and tried to lighten the mood. Whipped his Big Muff out of his knapsack
and placed it on the table. Slowly, she opened the till, wrote out a little receipt and handed him the $20.

Bombed Village took it. He walked over to Coles and bought 4 cans of Snappy Tom, I lie, 5 cans of No Name cat food
a packet of Cheese and Onion chips and a small coke. Wobbled his way back home, sat on his couch and schemed a million schemes to make some more cash.


Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Gravy tonight

From 2am until 6am we are spinning choons on 3RRR FM 102.7.

You'll here this.

Over and over if I have my way.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Clicky on this

When you've gone here, take the round button to about the middle of the thingy. Actually just a little to the right on the thingy. So you're just right of centre, yeh? Right. You should be hearing some kind of tune with an oboe - like thingy cruising out over the upstrum of a reggae sounding guitar peace. Just chillin yeh? Got it?

Right. Well just wait for the drop. Sounds like Stevie Wonder just fumbled his way over to the high hats, found his sticks on his seat and said rotate on this. Then this mother of all funky things drops in and you are away. Just like I was on Sunday night.

Love to say I found it. That Im that into records mate, and Ive got hundreds of them
outback that I collect when I go on junketts overseas, all I do is spend time in record stores yaddayaddayadda...Well I dont. I spend most of my time in air conditioned plazas.

So I rely on others to do that shit for me. And Im all the richer for it.

This be one of the deffest jams I ever wish to hear in my Subarau. Made me speakers sound awesome. Listen to me...This be one of the deffest ja.....

I still have never bought my own pair of undies.



Please stop me

Here's a little something

This is how Stop Flooding My Record Collection went down at SMR

Friday, May 6, 2011

Stop Flooding My Record Collection

This starts at our joint tonight and runs all weekend. The concept, the work and the cause are all of a very high quality. A rarity these days one would think....

Click hither for more information or just look at the thing above all this.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Nothing good comes out of the country

You know....that dark old place up on the coast.
Lake...Whatchamacallit. I wouldnt even know where it is now....

Me, you ....a bunch of mates. The local pub.
Things get messy. They always do. There's a sense
of boredom in the air, but it's held at bay as if something hasn't been achieved..

Some kind of dreadful finality hasnt been reached. Cos at this age the end is always dreadful.
Especially up in the country.

We all head home, headed for his mum's liquor cabinet.
Some old bitch and her bull terrier has tagged a ride home with us.

Who the hell brought her back? What's she bangin on about?
For God's sake lady pipe down, and get out of here. We've got blue liquor to get through.

Bark bark bark, hack hack hack. Is that her or the dog?

Jesus. She's just slapped Matty. Square in the face. His cheeks
flush with the sting of it.

Dougy's arked up now and this is getting waaaaay out of hand. Way.

She takes a tumble down the stairs while he points her and her bitch to the door.
She's yellin out me ankle, me ankle!!!

Yelling recriminations about who's family owns what part of the town and that we'd hear from her again.

Fuck. Straight away I imagine bein stuffed into a barrell, an arm growing out of my ass, while some Hells Angel
inflicts cigar burns into Geoffy's bum....

The dog hacks away right at the door until their screech fades into the thickness of the crickets
out there in the bushland.

Fuck I hate the country. I hate the fuckin country and all those who dwell within it.

Nothing good comes out of the country. Not when you're 18.

The party shuts down, the lights turn off, Matty rubs his cheeks and Dougy takes a nip of Southern Comfort from
his pa's hip flask.

Fuck this.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Stop Flooding My Record Collection

I cant fuckin wait for this:

Stop flooding my record collection is a charity exhibition where artists have created new covers for a jazz records salvaged from the Brisbane floods. Join us at Smiley McSlidey (124 Nicholson St, Brunswick East) from 6pm on Friday 6 May to add a special record to your collection and contribute to a great cause.

Artists, illustrators and designers from Australia and abroad have generously contributed their talents to the project, creating original album artwork to help raise money for the ongoing relief effort. French, Tin & Ed, Webuyyourkids, Rudi De Wet, The Hungry Workshop and Hank & Matlok headline a solid list of creatives contributing to the project.

Stop flooding my record collection came about after a large, waterlogged stack – 50 years of lovingly collected jazz records – were saved during the clean up effort after the Brisbane floods. The cover-less albums were then put out to artists, who chose their muse and set about creating new sleeves for the vinyl.

This exhibition is a celebration of art, music and the significant and emotional role these things play in our lives. It is an opportunity, through the act of reclaiming this nigh lost collection, to help some of the many Queenslanders that were so badly effected by the 2011 floods.

All proceeds donated to The Premier's Disaster Relief Appeal.

Participating artists: Alan Crowne, Andrew Fiscalini, Andrew Kwa, Bo Stahlman, Carmela Ruffino, Catherine Insch, Celine Paquet, Corey Silva, Elizabeth Carruthers, Eric John Ocson, French, Hank & Matlok, Haw The Hungry Workshop, Jack Tierney, Karen Chan, Kasia Pawlikowski, Lifelounge, Marijke Arkley, Matthew Brown, Monique Kneepkens, Michael Tan, Peter Binek, Peter Salmon-Lomas, Reidar Oksavik, Rudi DeWet, Shane Loorham, Simon Buutveld, Spew Corp, Trent Hendrick, Tin & Ed, Victoria Topping, Webuyyourkids.

Date: Friday 6 May – Sunday 8 May.
Time: 6pm
Where: Smiley McSlidey (124 Nicholson St, Brunswick East)
RSVP: Facebook

Thank you to, Smiley McSlidey, Zenith Records, and the Cullen family for the records.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011


E.S.N - High Pass Filter - 7"

Palais D'Amour - Bel Pare - CDR

LCD Soundsystem - Track 3 - 45:33

The Knife - Silent Shout - Silent Shout

Solar Bears - The Quiet Planet - She was Colored In

Korallreven - Honey mine - Honey mine

Cosmic Strut - Dream Kit (Faux Pas Remix) - Future Tense

Chapter 13 - Crisco Disco - The World From Heaven

Radiance - Open-Heimer Analysis - Minimal Wave Tapes

The Eternal - Joy Division - Closer

In Your House - The Cure - Seventeen Seconds

Hamburger Lady - Throbbing Gristle - Thee Psychick Sacrifice

Come Fall - Honeymoon in Red - Honeymoon in Red

Also Lonely - Dern Rutledge - 7"

Big Business - Here comes the Waterworks - Grounds for Divorce

Hurricane - Kyuss - And the Circus Leaves Town

Build a House - Ouch My Face - 7"

Monkeys Blood - Dacios - Liberty Lovers

Ice - Magic Dirt - Life Was Better

Dinosaur Jr - Out There - Where ya Been

Dinsoaur Jr - In a Jar - Fossils

Stay Free - The Clash - Give em enough Rope

Friends of My World - Boys Next Door - Door Door

Sometimes - My Bloody Valentine - Loveless

Jamies Got A Girl - You Am I - Sound As Ever

Generic Teen - Bluebottle Kiss - Somnabulistichomesickblues

Eye Camera - Richard Davies - Telegraph

Apetite - Prefab Sprout - Steve McQueen

Grey Skies and Work Things - Lilac Time - Astronauts

Pictou - Jim Patterson - 7"

Thirteen - Big Star - #1 record

Fish - Wye Oak - Civillian

New Love - Erics Trip - Forever Again

What's the New Mary Jane - The Moles - Untune The Sky

Sorrow - Bowie - Pin Ups

Angie - Stones - Goats Head Soup

Southern Man - Crosby Stills Nash and Young - 4 Way Street

Can You See Me - Jimmy - Are You Experienced

Do You Remember? - Tyrannosaurus Rex - Unicorn

Every Night - Paul McCartney - McCartney

Stolen Car - Bruce Springsteen - The RIver

Hypnotise - Notorious BIG - Life After Death

Not the Average - Jeru the Damaja - Wrath of the Math

Brand New Funk - Dj Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince - He's the DJ, Im the Rapper

Bring Da Ruckus - Wu Tang Clan - Enter the Wu Tang Clan

Bring the Noise - Public Enemy - It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back

Cityslang - Luscious Jackson - Natural Ingredients

Bruce Springsteen - Pink Cadillac - 12"

Shoes of Leather - Oliver Mann - Oliver Mann Sing

No More Cane - Odetta - Treasure

Fade Into You - Mazzy Star - So Tonight That I Might See


How I felt


How I feel

Friday, April 15, 2011

Stop Flooding My Record Collection

This be at our joint. A fundraiser for the Brisbane Floods. And a fucking good one at that.
We love the flyer so we're just gunna keep pimping it.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

His hair. His skin.

At times I panicked. At others, he panicked.

Occasionally we both panicked at the same time.

Sometimes you think, we have got this totally under control.
But control's a funny thing. It just means uncontrollable is right around the corner.

Sometimes you see a mate who's a builder, with his eco cup walking out into the same
damp morning you've just stepped into... and you realise that this lack of sleep over the past year
IS making for a fragmented, splintered life.

Look at his shorts we said. His hair. His skin. Everything is so clean.
Mr Builder flashes an amazing set of whites at us and says to us both, right on cue. Fuck I just had an amazing sleep boys.
Ooo Roo

You get in your car, you think fuck..I gotta make some adjustments. I do. I really do.
But by the time you're home, and this happens every time, you fuck that mate.

You can keep your amazing sleep. I just had a wicked fuckin time.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011


Graveyard Shift on 3RRR fm 102.7 fm tonight 2am-6am.

I hope you'll hear this.
You'll definitely hear this little number.
If shit goes our way, then get ya sticks out
cos we are gunna fly this.

Web cam us in ya mind.

Chips n strips

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Level 4

How'd ya like that mate?!

All a dream

Daylight disco was at our joint.

Personally I got stoned and drove home!
Oooooooooooooooooooooooo no i didnt.

I didnt

Monday, April 4, 2011

Mice to Cheese

And of course mate. Both of us took to the dance floor like mice to cheese.

Road From Nowhere

It's very hard to get ya head right when you dont know what right is anymore.

Where have we come from and what were we doing? BV?

Never dug Road To Nowhere as a kid cos I didnt like it's existential nihilism. Did I?

Lived in a nice little place, sun was shining, milkshakes were a regular surprise.
Didnt seem like the kinda thing a kid should be singing to himself..

Had he sung we're on a road FROM nowhere weelllllllllll I'd have got his meaning right away


It was still daytime but the room was dark.

We were scuzzed and the noise was everywhere.

Lights tripped the fan dango.

Strangers were in our home.

It was cold and darkness was coming.

Darkness was coming.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Branches and Fringes brushing the forehead

The Captain had himself a night.

Staggering home last night along Barkers Creek after they called last drinks at the Railway Hotel I looked up and took in the wonder of a sky chock full of blazing stars. The autumnal wind blew the fringe into my eyes and I suddenly thought I was a member of East Village. I pulled up my collar and sang all the way up Saint Street.
The Captain

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Friday, March 25, 2011

At our joint April 3rd

The Playlist

Late Night - Syd Barrett - Mad Cap Laughs

Tendrils and Paracetamol - The Moles - Untune the Sky

Acting Out - Iron Curtain - Artifact

Quiet Mind - Iron Curtain - Artifact

Primary - The Cure - Faith

Youth - Beach Fossils - Beach Fossils

Planet Health - Chairlift - Does You Inspire You?

The Reprisal - Gosteleradio - Great Deeds Against the Dead

Vera - Pink Floyd - The Wall

Trail at Orleans - Jean of Ark - Method Sentiment 7"

Herringbone Blues - Oliver Mann - Oliver Mann Sings

Child's Play - Tyrannosaurus Rex - My People Were Fair and Had Sky in Their Hair... But Now They're Content to Wear Stars on Their Brows

Tonight's the Night - Neil Young - Tonight's the Night

Laughing at Me - Alice Cooper - Easy Action

Why? - Yoko Ono - Plastic Ono Band

I Was Cruel - Magic Dirt - 10"

Hendrix Necro - Sonic Youth - Dirty (Deluxe Edition)

Silver Blue - Thurston Moore - trees Outside the Academy

Holy Holy - Wye Oak - Civillian

Lines and Lines - The Spinanes - Strand

NY is Killing Me - Gil Scott Heron& Jamie XX - We're New Here

Jeru the Damaja - Not the Average - Wrath of the Math

Visit to the Gynecologist - Dr. Octagon - Dr. Octagoncologist

Fantasies - Silver Apples - Contact

Hollow Me - Yura Yura Teikoku - CDR

Dekinai - Yura Yura Teikoku - CDR

The Equator - Tortoise - TNT

Neon Rainbow - The Reels - Great Gift Ideas From The Reels

What Would You Do? - INXS - Underneath the Colors

Golf Course - Michael Hutchence - Rooms for the Memory 10"

No Time For Games - Midnight Oil - Bird Noises

Runaway Girls - Australian Crawl - Sons of Beaches

Premonitions - The Mannikins - 7"

After You My Friend - Happiness and Authority - Mid Youth Crisis

Verisimilitute - Teenage Fanclub - Grand Prix

Signs of Life - Echo Echo - CDR

Sometimes - My Bloody Valentine - Loveless

When You Sleep - My Bloody Valentine - Loveless

I Didn't See It Coming - Belle and Sebastien - Write About Love

Asleep - Postal Blue - Self Titled EP

Charlie Darwin - The Low Anthem - Oh My God, Charlie Darwin

Wish Fulfillment - Sonic Youth - Dirty (Deluxe Edition)

Limit To Your Love - James Blake - James Blake

Jim Cain - Bill Callahan - Sometimes I Wish We Were An Eagle

Helplessly Hoping - Crosby Stills Nash and Young - So Far

Quick Canal - Atlas Sound w/ Laetitia Sadier - Logos

Eye Camera - Richard Davies - Telegraph

Carry Me Ohio - Sun Kill Moon - Ghosts of the Great Highway

Healing Has Begun - Van Morrison - Into the Music

Tuesday, March 22, 2011


Tonight Isaw Isonn and Bombed Village hit the 3RRR FM airwaves at 102.7 FM from 2am until the break of dawn.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Time is scarce mate

Listen I dont have much time.

But you know that tunnel in the city's west thats shaped like the inside of a whale? Well I was driving through it last night just as this bad boy peaked.

Whoah.....what a tunnel it is mate. Very impressive.

Then on my way back just as I entered the whale's mouth. I caught one of these bad boys and my lord your highness....

The time was 7.3opm so Ive made a little pact with myself that every Wednesday night at this time Im gunna
be just like Jonah the poof and drive through that whales mouth and get me some high times.

BV will be with me. Bald as a monkey, clippin his dreads and chattin like a chimp mate.

Join us.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Hot air baboon

On the way home from dinner with my mother, I turned on the radio, briefly conversed with BV who couldnt even pick up his comb, he was so weak.

Now when ol' BV gets real tired he starts chopping his hair till he looks like a monkey
and starts up with his protein powders. Poor bugger doesnt know how tired he his til he's got not a hair left, cept for the danglins dustin his neck, and he's all puffed up from the whey...not realising he needed to burn that shit off or blow up like a hot air baboon.

Me poor poor mate.

Late night scuzz

Cant be bothered goin over to the pub for a brew, on account of being cornered
by an old bugger resemblin the doc from Back to the Future?

Neither could we...

So we had a late night scuzz ball.

Slept like a baby.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Bring out your big guns

Oh goodness. BV has not been seen for days people.

Missing in action. Keep your eyes peeled and your eggs tidy.

Shags is down too. Down a breather.

This is for them.

Ps. Why wait so long to bring out the big guns Mollly ya knob.


Wednesday, March 9, 2011


Enough with the memories already.

Quit with the hello I grew up in so and so and this is what shaped me..

Im back listening to Radio National with the occasional flick over to a certain
commercial top 1000 countdown when 621 get's a little 'now let's cross to Margaret in
the tiny town of Libelsack and here how a 62 year old artist has made a living off making art from.......peoples rubbish!'

So it seems Ive calmed down just a fraction.
Enough at least to quit with the memories and get just a little bit more focused.

Ps Margaret, the man you're focusing on is not well. That's why he's 250km's from Coober Pedy. Ask his wife...She's never been happier since he moved away and started making gnomes out of tin.

Friday, March 4, 2011


Ok....I moved into a place called Montrose at 13 yrs of age. A couple of nice dudes gave me the tour on BMX.

We were on a main rd next to a fire station. My new front fence was covered in ivy and we had a woodpile in the front yard.
The front yard was pretty big and I fancied the whole neighbourhood would at various times drop in on me
playing ball, splitting logs, frolicking....

On this particular day, the day of the BMX tour we rolled up to my joint, Ma was frolicking and Pa was splitting wood.
Silence was dreaming and Sister were coming out of the house. Front doors opened onto the verandah...Video Hits playing.
Rage had been and gone. Genisis' Rain was playing, very emotional, of course.....but then this followed.

And it werent so much the ominous skies in the clip or the overly tortured rain dance of the skinny fella,
nor the bunyips prancing around (although this provided much allure) It was the straight out proposition of
asking someone what their reaction would be to them being followed by...well by the asker. That's what nailed me.

I left Pa out front to split wood, Ma to entertain the bike boys, Silence to watch for finches and Sister as she were.

Johnny's not the only one

Johnnys always running around
Trying to find certainty
He needs all the world to confirm
That he aint lonely

I never ever knew that this is what it said.

Thursday, March 3, 2011


If you should wag a day at school then jump a bus to Tuggeranong Mall, buy some smokes, freak out at being caught wagging, jump a bus home, get into bed with your besty, roll a joint using lavendar and parsley to soften the blow of the 'baccy the very last thing, the very bloody last thing you should put on is this

Wednesday, March 2, 2011


At my school there was a raft of girls who just happened to be super sexy and older. They were the year above me. That is until they were kept down. Presumably due to their intellect and/or work ethic. Probably work ethic to be honest.

Becky. Tina. Stacey. Nat.... They were all one to me. They chewed gum, twirled it, thought I was cute, but pashed dudes named Les and Will and I think they had some sort of base in Mansfield...

One time, Becky wore leopard skin tights on free dress day. She had olive skin, red lips, a fringe, chubby cheeks and wore a Sebastian Bach t shirt. I could not, no matter what i did break into her consciousness.

She had a walkmen in one playtime and in a rare moment of boldness I asked what it was she was listening too. I was bold BECAUSE I needed to know.

She whipped the headphones off, chewed a couple of times, lent in close, placed them on my head without a word and as she hit play her leopard skin tights brushed my hand. They were skin fucking tight. Like cold lino on a hot summers day.

The first thing I heard was one of the sexiest voices I ever did hear to this day sing:

'I gotta know tonight...if youre alone tonight.'

I wanted in. I wanted to get to Mansfield. I wanted Les to initiate me immediately into whatever club it was he was in. I wanted to smoke.

It was the start of a very difficult time for me....

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Catchin cats

Dark days. I've been catchin cats for a living. Poor fuckers... Leaves me feeling strange mate

Thursday, February 24, 2011

The Perfect Bong Song

Im all about smoking giant cones at the minute.

Cant stop talking about it.
Every time I go to speak, I just mention
sucking down haystackers, blowing all night on bongs.

I havent touched one in years and if I did Id green out and find the nearest
fruit bowl to chunder quietly and shamefully into.

Yeh...I remember once at this party near the Lilydale train line (that's all I got)
where Id sucked down a giant one to impress a boy that had girls eyes, I went
all fuckin wobbly and sunk deep into my own brain and started screaming at the boy-girl
until a number of party goers carried me outside and left me to regather myself in the agapanthas...

Turns out all Id smoked was grass cuttings....Literally

Anyway bongs are not for me. But it's all about the rhetoric...

What re you doing tonight mate?

Fuckin going to the cubby and suckin down big cones all night bro.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Shelley Short at SMR Sunday

One last time:

Shelley Short at our joint from 12pm with a big bunch of crew, a barbie, a skate ramp......$8

Easy peasy

Wednesday, February 16, 2011


I wish that you gave this to me on a mix tape...

Life would be different... Is different.

Monday, February 14, 2011

This is your Captain speaking

A conversation in part between our correspondent The Captain and yours truly, Isaw Isonn:

RE your midgets are growing. This might surprise you… did you know I saw Fugazi play live in Croydon in 1991? I don’t have many memories of the gig, but I was there. It was loud. It was full of passion. It was impressive. I was there.

Whaaaaaaat?!! BV is gunna love that story.

I might see if I can google a poster of the show. It'll be out there

EV's? Wow!! That almost tops Pavement at EV's and definitely tops Tumbleweed...

Sorry I didnt get to meet up the other day.
I wont have my bike back come Wednesday but if you are free'
we could meet up in the middle.

It actually wasn’t at EV’s (although they did play there in 1993). It was at… you’re not going to believe this… the Croydon soccer club clubrooms, near the corner of Mt Dandenong Rd and Norton Rd. I know it sounds incredibly unlikely… but I’m 99% sure I’m not making this up. The clubrooms were a short lived “yoof” venue known as The Hole. At the time Fugazi were playing only all ages shows (I’m not sure if they kept on doing this) and I went along as part of a short lived hardcore phase!
By the way, saw some old crew last weekend. I told them you were living in Toorak, making a packet from running a recording studio and last time I saw you you were snorting coke off a mirror in the toilets at Revolver.
Wednesday sounds good. I can ride to you if you’re bike-less. Let me know on Wed morning where & when you want to meet.

Pavilion, not the clubrooms, as such.
It’s true. I swear. 99% sure.

Your story is checking out so far

Well well well, Nursery Crimes were the main support.

Nursery Crimes included member James McInnes, none other than my high school
guitar teacher whom infamously fell asleep during my practical exam. That's right. I had my head tucked over the ridge of my Maton and was busting out the solo to 'right on the tip of tongue' when I felt lukewarm coffee dripping onto my thigh.

Like a pro I wrapped up the solo and bought it home with a resounding chorus, looked up to find James sounds asleep facedown in a puddle of Nescafe.

Upon finsishing, I politely tapped him on the cheek and told him I was done.

Great...sounds great pal. Sorry mate....had a gig last night, said James.

The year...1991. I wonder if it was the same show...?

…and if you want proof that I was at the aforementioned show, have a look at the kid stage diving at the 36 second mark… and again at 2:22 and 2:40. Is that not a 21-year-old Captain?

Nightclubs, mum and Mariah Carey

My mum, when she broke up with my dad started going to nightclubs. It was physically
painful for me. To know that whilst I was smashing hotdogs from Mr. Stengles outside
of Jooce on Maroondah Hwy that my ma could be heading home in a taxi with her friends and
see me waitng out front arguing with bouncers to let me in with my Blunny's on pleading that no they weren't steal caps
ya fat prick, now let me in or Im gunna spend the next 4 hours hanging around the back trying to find my way in through the gym's back door.
It's a waste of your resources man.... What's it gunna be?

Like I said. Physically painful. All of it

Anyhow, at the same time, one of mum's friends gave her this CD
and the front cover had the body of Mariah Carey on it and my Ma's head cut out poorly and pasted on.
Kerry's mix. On it was such gems as....ahhhh shit I cant remember what they were but it was a mix of
faux - inspirational tunes calling out to women to stand up to your man and dont take no for an answer. I dont know...
M People, Ace of Base, Mariah....90's.

Anyways....the CD lives down at our holiday house and the other day I put it on when noone was home.

Totally lost my shit to it.

All that she wants, here's another baby, she's gone tomorrow....

And so on.

Shelley Short at SMR

Sunday Feb 20th Shelley Short brings her absorbing, insightful tunes all the way from Portland, Oregon to the carpark out the back of Smiley Mcslidey. It’ll be her only Melbourne show.
It's confirmed there will be a barbecue, rumoured there'll be a skate ramp and if summer pulls it's finger out, a splendid day for you and I both.
Coffee is across the road at New Day Rising, and Shelley will be supported by Gary Olsen (ex Ladybug Transistor with a legend studded local backing band) Lower Plenty and The Sinking Tins, both of whom are northern suburbs residents and contain members of other bands you love.
So if you want to pop on your crocs and block half a lane of Blythe St with your Mazda 4WD, fuck off down to Ceres...otherwise come here. From middayish.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Pop Up Shop For Hire

Smiley Mcslidey is a pop up shop in East Brunswick.

Positioned right on the corner of Blythe and Nicholson Sts, opposite 3RRR and the very last stop on the 96 tram... it's positioned
perfectly for whatever you want it to be.

Yep. Smiley Mcslidey is a plain white room for hire.

Need to sell some shit? Wanna have a 24 hr tattoo shop?
Launch a calendar? Sell some jeans you made?
Show off some furniture you whipped up?
Flog some art you got a grant for? Have a little performance?
Stand still overnight for passers by? Have a garage sale?
Test your latest muffins on the public?
Project multi media images onto the front window like everyone else?

Shit, anything... Anything you want. For fuck all cash you can get your self a very sweet little space.

For bookings, rates and more info email
It's how they do business. Indirectly.

Friday, January 28, 2011

My Midgets are Growing

My Midgets Are Growing

Apparently a Spanish saying of some sort for which there is no
immediate appropriate English translation.

Hello. My midgets are growing.

Enjoy your day now...

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

3RRR FM Graveyard Playlist 19/1/11

The Friend Catcher - The Birthday Party - Hee Haw

Cars for Kings Cross - The Moles - Instinct

Stove - Eric's Trip - Love Tara

Disappearer - Sonic Youth - Goo (Deluxe Edition)

Flooded - Von Sudenfed - Tromatic Reflexxions

Indefensible - Erothug - CDR

Dream Baby Dream - Angel Corpus Christie w/ Allen Vega - I Love New York

Suicide - Ghostwriter - Suicide

Hamburger Lady - Throbbing Gristle - Greatest Hits

The Condos - Iron Curtain - Desertion LP '82- '88

Crisco Disco - Chapter 13 - The World From Heaven

Gemini - Wild Nothing - Gemini

Fortunes - The Lilac Time - Astronauts

Cabwaylingo - Songs Ohia - Songs Ohia

Teardrop Tattoo - Martin Craft - Silver and Fire

Practice Twice - Sam Prekop - Sam Prekop

The India Song - Big Star - #1 Record

Alone Again Or - Love - Forever Now

Little Boy Sad - Hermans Hermits - CDR

Thought Ballune - Unknown Mortal Orchestra - CDR

The Stars That Play With Laughing Sam's Dice - Jimi Hendrix - South Saturn Delta

Stupid Girl - Neil Young and Crazy Horse - Zuma

The Rocker - Thin Lizzy - CDR

Aside - The Weakerthans - Left and Leaving

Gift - Sugar - File Under Easy Listening

Sick of Myself - Matthew Sweet - 100% Fun

Drawing Straws - Sandpit - The Tyranny of Creeps (EP)

3 People Wide at All Times - The Laps - Betrayal

Distorted Eyes - The Hal Al Shedad - Textures of Tomorrow

Give Me the Cure - Fugazi - Dischord 12" EP

Weeds - Hoover - 12" EP

Marijuana Hell - The Dingoes - Live at the Station

Cold Cold Change - Midnight Oil - Head Injuries

Golden Playpen - INXS - Shabooh Shoobah

Anyday But Sunday - INXS - Dance

Night People - Allen Touissant - Motion

Catch A Moment In Time - Ewan Pearson's Memory Blissed Remix/Mocky - Piece Work

Sferic Waves - Man or Astro Man? - 7"

Four Letter Woman - The Melvins - The Sympathy 7"

Grounds For Divorce - Big Business - Here Come The Waterworks

Wrigley Scott - Future of the Left - Curses

Flip the Phase - Kyuss - Muchos Gracias

Obscena Misdemeanour - Ouch My Face - Self Titled EP

Black Curse - Bakelite Age - Shoot the Messenger

What Goes On - Velvet Underground - CDR

Aladdin Sane - David Bowie - Aladdin Sane

Track Goes By - The High Llamas - Gideon Gaye

Rip Off - Ryan Adams - Easy Tiger

Look out for my Love - Neil Young - Comes a Time

Come Home Love - Eagle and the Worm - CDR

We Float - PJ Harvey - Stories form the City, Stories from the Sea

God - John Lennon - Once Upon A Time

Yellow Roses - Greg Perkins - Where Joy Kills Sorrow

Mis'ry is My Middle Name - Warren Ellis and John Ellis - Where Joy Kills Sorrow

A Fine Vehicle - The Steinbecks - At Home and Abroad With The Steinbecks

Sleep All Summer - Crooked Fingers - Dignity and Shame

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Shelley Short

As the poster says. Bring your Nanna and baby. Feb Sunday 20th. At our joint.

3RRR Graveyard

Tonight we, Isaw Isonn and Bombed Village, take our maiden voyage upon the 3RRR airwaves. 102.7 FM or stream it at

You may hear this

You will definitely hear this

We'd be lying if we said we weren't excited.


Thursday, January 13, 2011

34 Year old man?

What scares me alot is this:

If I get murdered, it'll be reported on the evening news and the papers that a 34 year old man was killed this morning...blah blah blah...

A 34 year old man.

I beg to differ.

I do not like to touch foam, hate squeaky sand, dislike having dry finger tips, dont like banging my two index fingers together - point to point, hate dry clay, dry cotton wool, am fine with fingertips down the blackboard, prefer cereal soggy, want to open a cafe called Mash where all food must be just that...mashed..., am fine in the outdoors if there is no option to be indoors, can sit still thinking for hours on end, do not take to exercise unless chasing a ball is involved, fucking hate cats because of they way they are to me, love dogs except pitbull terriers because my Nanna siad I should and I like her sense of drama, love my Nanna's shortbread due to the salt she puts in them, cant distinguish between certain flavours due to an old cricket accident but as a result have an increased awareness of sauces, love to party between September - December, then seem to want to become Mr Peaceful between Jan- March doing exercises and being nice and ordered like that Japanese man I saw on the Shinkanzen who had special 'train slippers'....

Whoah boy...the list goes on. I guess if I do get murdered, rather than writing 'a 34 year old man who was inhaling a pie at Food Plus early this morning just before being shot by a passing car in what appears a random act of murder etc etc', Id like it if some of the above could weave itself into the journo's piece.

That'd make me feel better and be a little more accurate too.

Early this morning in St Albans, a guy who does not like to touch foam was shot by a passing car in what seems to be a case of mistaken idenity. The guy was enjoying one of those soggy chicken rolls he had not heated in its entirety due to a lack of patience. He was rushed to hospital but died soon after. The poor fella wanted to one day open a cafe called Mash, where everything would be mashed. Police have asked any witnesses to come forward.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011


So it IS the summer holidays?!?!