Doot

Why? Come on over. Im exhausted mate. Me eyelids are hanging low like bananas. Im asleep arent I? Am I happy? Snags McGee says I am.

You know what assholes? We've been open for business nearly all year. And we said we'd like to hear other people who feel as low as we do and aim as high as we aim. No one has sent us shit. No one cares cos we dont offer nothin. Boo fuckin hoo. You dont see us crying do you? Yes...you do.

Sniffle snaffle. Sniffle snaffle.

Im so mixed up all the time. I just wanna go to sleep matey boy. Catch me a lady wren and have me a natural spa.

Finally today our old pal Shiskabob Rally felt our pain and something drove him to this. My god Im crying out like the queen to her people asking them for just one more chance. It's got love in its veins doesnt it? Sandstorms nodding like the wind.

He follows it up with this and BV and I are crying on the floor. Not just cos someone sent us something but because of what they sent. It's like animals with flesh. Pasty and pure.

So woe to all those non believers. Woe to you all cos we got sent something and it is good. God saw what he had created and he saw that it was good. He saw Isaw we all saw.

Snaffle

Wick wick wickety wack

Alright so there seems to be something happening out there at the moment...People are disappearing, other people who we havent seen for ages are reappearing...

Ring ring...'BV? You down with this? What's the deal bosco? Somethin goin on?'

Nope. BV dont know whats goin on. He's drivin bald pricks round to get there lunch and said the streets are empty his way too. Mmmm. Must be the time of year, or else that crazy hippo I saw chained to that pool fence finally kicked loose and smashed some peeps up good.

Sweet. Our buddy Jarrod Brown from Eagle and the Worm is heading home to Adelaide for a bit but before he jumped on his scooter we caught up for a quicky (chat that is..)

1. What kind of food do you smash just prior to playing a show?

I dont like eating to close to show time, need at least a 2 hour digesting period. My guts are sacred on show day!



2. What record sits in your player as you write this?Harry Nilsson- Son of Shilsson (Genius)


3.Can you isolate one influence on EatW above all others? If so, what is it. If no, what if I made you think of one? Then what would it be?Tough call....big influence on me, are all the people who dont really like music that much. The people who only own a pet shop boys single, the sound track to days of thunder, and a Eurythmics Best of... I write my songs for folks who aint fussy.



4. Can you name any local acts whom you think we should be obsessing over at the moment?
Yeah. I can. I love them all. So many good ones. School of Radiant Living, Dirtbag, B.J Morizonkle, The Genie, Dynamo...the list goes on


5. Does where you live have any effect on the music you make?
Big Time! The bedroom is a mystical place, as is the Kitchen. Sunlight always effects the music aswell.


6. What's on for EatW in the short term future?
More hits, more fans, more hair.


7. Have you got a job? What is it?
I do. I work at Bakehouse Studios. Bakehouse is a beautiful rehearsal studio in Richmond Melbourne. I meet and hear new bands every day, before everyone else gets to hear them.

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Pork on ya fork.

Mashy Moo?

Geeeeettttttt fucked. Go on!. Leave me alone! Leave me the fuuuuck alone. Smash smash bang bang. Get outta here before I mix you up and start with my belly piercing?

What? You speak easy? Me speak bad.

Fall? Cradle? Mama been bad......

Yeh.

Yeh...na...sweet.

I am calming down. Naturally. Finally. I am spreading out just to lie down. Quilt out, plastic gloves on and I am taking all the good advice I can get. All of it.

I know for a fact BV was out on the town last night. Yeh....he made a wicked escape out the back door and never came back. Goodness, who knows what photos he's appeared at the edge of but I look forward to it. BV always does this at this time of year. He's awesome at it. And fuckin good on him!

He sent me this though from wherever the fuck he is. He found it in Jimmy Chasers backyard he reckons. Bullshit he did. He's crazy man. BV's crazy I tells ya.

Go BV. Bring the house down mate.

Goliath Bird Eater

smileymcslidey was eating beans yesterday afternoon staving off scurvy when Bobb Bruno from Goliath Bird Eater touched base with us. We sent him questions. He sent us answers. Check this out afterwards too Bobb Bruno

1. First of all, who are we talking with and what is your role in GBE?

bobb bruno. i write the riffs, play guitar and synthesizers.

2. Do you guys have good relationships with your parents?

yes we do.

3. Are your members in any other bands and if so what are the bands?

Our drummer, Rafe Mandel and i both play guitar in Polar Goldie Cats. i'm also in Best Coast, and play with Imaad Wasif. Rafe also plays in Moggs from time to time.

4. Who are some local acts we should keep an eye out for here in Australia?

Avi Buffalo, Ancestors, howardamb, Sun Araw, Magic Lantern

5.Tell us your favourite GBE song. Why? Where can we get it?

Miracle Violence Combination. It was on a split cassette with Robedoor. Our first official release (but was recorded after our cd "Blood Venus")

The amazing Ches Smith played drums on it. he's plays with Xiu Xiu, Marc Ribot and a ton of other people. one of the best drummers in the world and it was an honor to record with him. The fast riff at the end is my favorite. It's not available anymore but will probably be on our next LP.

6. When you rehearse do you actually rehearse? If not what do you do?

Saturdays at noon. We drink coffee, practice our songs and try and write new ones.

7.What jobs do you guys have outside of GBE?

i work in the box office of a music venue, Rafe works for the artist Mike Kelley
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So there you fuckin have it. Snap! I win again BV. Your turn to shuffle. Snaffle

Egg on a stick

She was as tall as a large novelty pencil and her head was the size of pickle. Just like an egg on a stick. No eyes, nothin to speak of. Frightening. Dancing round the room like a star. Grabbin all the pots and pans out of our cupboards and whipping up a storm. A fucking storm. Wendy we shouted over the din...Wendy! Get out of the shop ya fuckin egg on a stick. You are bringing us undone.

This is quite an emotional scene people. BV is crying tears of sauce mate and my right tonsil's got gas. Fuckin gas.

Wendy's banging her pan and I can quite seriously see this all ending. Like that fish Otto goin down the drain into the sea. Ending. And me ma's all 1950's and shit and Im all alone now in the big sea.

The big sea is not where we wanna be.

Half the price....

It's hot dude. I'm all frazzled but somehow clear as bell after the dreams I suffered through last night. People snapping wrists, me beating them with shovels....to death. Heavy BV ey?

My mind stayed asleep just long enough to give me the answers and then upon approval bam!...Im awake. Left to contemplate the answer in waking life.

So it's mighty hot and BV has gone downtown to crack open some Tooheys red but the crazy cunt always comes back with blue claiming they are half the price! Oh BV....Ill drink to that.

Tonsils

Ive got real bad anxiety. Woke last night drippin with sweat and had the shakes like me Pa did just before he dropped mate. Shit. This could be it for me. Everyone's dyin around me aren't they mate? I call out and no-one's there anymore. I got no cash and me tonsils are the size of tennis balls.

Fuck mate Im about to snap at the waste. BV god bless him poured me a stiff drink. Straight lime Cottees, the type that makes me chin itchy and leads to asthma.

Look if I dont make it through Ive had a swell time yeh?

Im gunna blast this shit to the heavens though.

Yeh and fuck you Old Man Smolkus... It was me that drowned ya cat! Take ya fuckin undies off ya head cunt.

Im fucked mate.

I'm off me head

I'm too young for this. I've ended up on the floor again crunched up next to the heater, shivering, unable to move. Rage is on in the background setting the scene. It'll repeat on me for years. What will me mates parents think when they get home and find me here on their lounge room floor?! Shit, where are me mates parents? I still need looking after. I''m too young for this. How can I go home now?

I know

Put it down man..Put it down. For god's sake I haven't gone mental, you're the one wielding the can opener. Listen it's just this once OK? I really like it. It's kinda got me and it's been raining and I thought that if we blew out a few cobwebs we could you know...start again after all the crazy shit we snaffled on the weekend yeh?

Easy now...Ok...Easy now...Pop it down on the shelf and I promise, I absolutely promise that I will never post something like this again alright?

Fuck man. BV's right though. It's got free dreamin written all over it. It's just that I need some soothing.

You go grab the tuna BV and ill change the tape by the time your back.

Snaffle

Party Time

Fuck it Isaw. It's the weekend, I've got me buddies with me, I'm doin it all over again! The Witchdragon! Twirlin Goats! Fish Fingers! The lot!!! I'll do it alright. I'll even follow it all up with the vege on toast and the blankies! I don't care! We'll clean the workshop next week! C'mon Isaw

Paaaaaarrrrrrttttyyyyy!!!!

Soooooory!

Easy BV. Easy..

Fuck man. I thought BV was all shattered and shit you know? After the bash. The workshop is fallin behind and we have some serious bills to pay and I thought, you know after makin him toast and shit that if I could just get him to chill out and all, we'd have him back on the floor. Fixin doors and shit.

Soooo. I went and put on Chill Out 4 with that dude from that band who married his girlfriend cos she looked like the tranny he used to date and BV goes fuckin spare mate. Throws his blanky off, crumbs flyin everywhere, thumps his way over to the stereo, takes the tape out and puts this on!

Heavy beats mate. Blood Silk Road. Heavy shit mate..Tearin ya strings off and shreddin new heat.

BV just looks at me like he's got some kind of sandwich on his mind and says in between head bangin (ie on the up stroke).....

"Twirl..."

"Me...."

"Some..."

"Goat..."

Fuck BV. You got it made man.....

Consequences

OK, so we should never have done it. None of it. Not the fish fingers, not the twirled goat...NONE.OF.IT.

You read BV's last entry didnt you? Well? Didnt you?

He's gone from us. For now. He'll be back, but all that crazy shit, the belly dancing...the goat on the twirl...It's taken its toll on him. On me.

Listen...God? Jesus? Mohammed, any of you?? We're real sorry. Whatever it takes yeh? To get us back on track...We fucked up and we're sorry.

Me and BV are goin back to basics yeh? Just til we get ourselves sorted. Im just puttin a blanky on him now. A little vege on toast buddy? Same plate? Knife? Put it on the sink bossco?

When I find out which motherfucker filmed it all Im gunna spread his thin ass on my toast.

There's a little life in ol' smiley mcslidey yet....

Muffled sounds etc...

(was a sick night ey BV?) Snaffle Snaffle Snaffle....Old dog!