Nothing

Ive got no ears. Ive got nothing.

Had a few ciders last night. Cherished them. BV was there. Knock off drinks we call them So does everyone else.

Strangest thing but....

Rang BV this morning and said mate, are ya comin into work this morning. I heard his lips flappin but couldnt pull an answer from him.

Then I realised I wasnt saying a word either!

Just flap flap flap, thwack thwack, clack. Me lips were chappin but nobody was home!

Click go ya lips mate. Click click click.

Jitty Lingthyme

Hello.....

My name is Isaw Isonn.

I am people.

Hair and tiny toes....

I have noses don't we.

Noowwwwww. Who is your name?

Tiggy Touchwood? Tatty Newblower? Figgy Underwood? Lyle Newsbury?
Jason Sanderlangs? Wholly Newbred? Witty Newsfrier? Jeepers Nengblaster. Faggy Woodwood?

Hello Jitty Lingthyme. This is a Bombed Village. Jappyjoojoo.

We fix the cars to make the roads busy Jitty. What is your purpose?

Oooooo you play the Oak do you? Play some oak Jitty.

Woo woo. Aaaa....woo woo woo.

Come gather round peoples. Jitty plays the oak and a woo woo woo we gooooo!

Base

The natural history of cars.....

I guess when you breathe in smoke you do kinda become different.

The same if you live in cubbies for over a day you do tend to feel different towards your mates.

I for one certainly remember the feeling of playing the truant. BV does. He feels like having a day off. Probably gunna ring in sick and leave me to bang out this old panel on me uncles 120Y.

Now here's the thing. We've all had alot of different cars right? From ya first to ya last.

Sing it(To the tune-'Road to Gunagai'):

There was Fawn, there was Hornet, there was Colin on a string, amongst the old tar witchi woo....

There was Buzzy, there was Storm and there was Justy in the moon and there was room for all to swing.

Rememmber Jill? Remember Mazdas with their boot ready to fill?

Stop the song. Turn it off. Im being flooded with too many heart strings....Im all slippy in the mud. Where me go? Why me do a murder? Who fix it? How me get this job?
Why so long a drive way? Why my car all brown and dark inside?

BV? Can you finish the song for me?

(very quietly) There was Buzzy in the mud, against the old pie mungled road......

I have fallen in love.

Silence has been in dire straights. No doubt. Straight up. Here's his account. But to be fair we thought we should track down the beast and get his response. He's in bold bitch. Snaffle:

He's back, the mutt's back. (I'm so tired)

He's never been gone this long before, skinny as rake, ribs on show, covered in ticks the little tiger. (My balls are the driving force behind all my actions)

He seems happy enough though, kinda content, his look says to me "lets keep going."........So we did. (That is my balls talking. Im so tired....)

Straight up on the roof to let the pigeons out for a burn. Watching those guys fly takes me to another place. ( Can I have one to eat?)

I plug the cans in and whack em on me ears, turn it up loud enough to be in the music, quiet enough to hear their wings crack. I'm in a movie........... (What's happened to Silence? Why he flap?)

"Varmints, VARMINTS, get up here now, this shit spins ya out" (And off I go again...into the jungle while Silence soars....balls throbbing, mind racing. I have fallen in love)

Clap your fuckin hands

Too much mate. I feel all loose. Wavy and shit like Im gunna trip out to me own sounds.

I been drummin up heaps of business dudes. Trippy sticky.

Fuck mate Im a replica of meself. Im starvin mate. Starvin Marvin....

What? Whow? Wooo?

Oh Ive had to much brekky? Breeky?

Brekky

Dirty snags

I know for a fact that he was off chasing rabbits in the paddocks over
the back fence.
If I don't track the mutt down quickly he's gone for days.
Let's just say I got a little lost....... Must have been that canon
that I smashed earlier(while BV and Isaw sucked sticks)
No mutt, just this ladywren.
I'll meet you guys at the conifers.

Silence.

So this is Silences' account.

As for me, I remember jumping hot tins of Heinz primed to rocket up into me groin while BV snapped away. Next day we found saucy beans right to the top of the gums mate.

And our mate Shags ate old dirty snags only to come back looking like a lion tamer. Yeh shit man he had to have some doc sit on his chest and squeeze the life outta that little bastard. These were tough times. These were times when cash was scarce....

As for the ladywren......I saw her bathing in a natural spring didnt I?

BV. How'd ya see this one?

Conifers in ten....

Red fuckin gold.

So I met this dude down the rude who was shouting what I thought were obscenities at me.

Put him in our basement and you know the rest....Clamped his head to his thigh until he stopped his motoring mouth.

BV said I should head down and see if he was still 'runnin' which I did immediately.

I wasn't surprised in the least to hear him still bangin on about 'I should sign up for this....I should get into this for a small fee...and could I just sign here please...?'

Pesky little varmint. And I guess that's where I started to feel for this clamped up little fella still spitting out his diatribe down in smr's basement.

I unclamped him and with a swift boot up the backside said...'Now go on get outta here you pesky little varmint.'

He waddled up the staircase complaining his left leg had gone a little numb...No shit sherlock...you been clamped up down in our basement for over an hour...

Off he scampered anyhoo and as he opened up the doors into the real world he turned around and I swear both his fuckin fangs were plated red fuckin gold.

Red fuckin gold. And I wont forget what he's parting words were for another 2-3 days either....

Come with me tonight.....

Sing with me

If you're angry and you know it clap your hands. (clap, clap)
If you're angry and you know it clap your hands. (clap, clap)
If you're angry and you know it but no one will let you show it....
If you're angry clamp their head tight to their thigh. (clap, clap)

Silence sent us this.

Yeh that's right...Our old pal Silence sent this to us with a little message that read...

"Thought you bitches might wanna sweep the floor to this......."

BV's gone mad with the broom.

Sweet

Im serious..

Ive tried everything....Soft soothing sounds to harness my racing mind....Salad to calm my freaking nerves....

It all started when I walked past a hairdressers that looked entirely run down but it was operating-I can tell you that much-and the owner(I presume) stood out the front of his shop and I was downwind and I smelt an aftershave I used to wear when I was sixteen working at Coles, Rosebud....

I took a fall right there in front of the bald owner...Crumbled right there at his feet. He bent down to assist me and I took him by the arm and breathed in his wrist deep....

Shocked he clubbed me with his free hand, I dont blame him one bit but I clung on for life, almost inhaling his wrist.

Since this event I have tried everything to quell my aching heart and frazzled mind. Nothing works except this.

Now you can all hear once and for all what it felt like to be a teenager for Isaw Isonn. Just how wrong I had it all and how Bombed Village and I ended up here in this Godforsaken workshop fixing other peoples fucked up machinery...

We had it wrong from the outset. Someone told me when I was very young what neat was...what a nice smell was and how to dress.

When I find that fucker, Im gunna tip a whole bottle of that aftershave over his tiny pinhead and Im (failing here...sshhhhh) gunna(no strength to carry on) drink(dont say the words) what's leftover(nnnnnnnnoooooooooooo)....

Oh Baldy...Give me that little blue bottle...Im sorry... I love you.........Weepy weepy