Doot

Why? Come on over. Im exhausted mate. Me eyelids are hanging low like bananas. Im asleep arent I? Am I happy? Snags McGee says I am.

You know what assholes? We've been open for business nearly all year. And we said we'd like to hear other people who feel as low as we do and aim as high as we aim. No one has sent us shit. No one cares cos we dont offer nothin. Boo fuckin hoo. You dont see us crying do you? Yes...you do.

Sniffle snaffle. Sniffle snaffle.

Im so mixed up all the time. I just wanna go to sleep matey boy. Catch me a lady wren and have me a natural spa.

Finally today our old pal Shiskabob Rally felt our pain and something drove him to this. My god Im crying out like the queen to her people asking them for just one more chance. It's got love in its veins doesnt it? Sandstorms nodding like the wind.

He follows it up with this and BV and I are crying on the floor. Not just cos someone sent us something but because of what they sent. It's like animals with flesh. Pasty and pure.

So woe to all those non believers. Woe to you all cos we got sent something and it is good. God saw what he had created and he saw that it was good. He saw Isaw we all saw.

Snaffle

Wick wick wickety wack

Alright so there seems to be something happening out there at the moment...People are disappearing, other people who we havent seen for ages are reappearing...

Ring ring...'BV? You down with this? What's the deal bosco? Somethin goin on?'

Nope. BV dont know whats goin on. He's drivin bald pricks round to get there lunch and said the streets are empty his way too. Mmmm. Must be the time of year, or else that crazy hippo I saw chained to that pool fence finally kicked loose and smashed some peeps up good.

Sweet. Our buddy Jarrod Brown from Eagle and the Worm is heading home to Adelaide for a bit but before he jumped on his scooter we caught up for a quicky (chat that is..)

1. What kind of food do you smash just prior to playing a show?

I dont like eating to close to show time, need at least a 2 hour digesting period. My guts are sacred on show day!



2. What record sits in your player as you write this?Harry Nilsson- Son of Shilsson (Genius)


3.Can you isolate one influence on EatW above all others? If so, what is it. If no, what if I made you think of one? Then what would it be?Tough call....big influence on me, are all the people who dont really like music that much. The people who only own a pet shop boys single, the sound track to days of thunder, and a Eurythmics Best of... I write my songs for folks who aint fussy.



4. Can you name any local acts whom you think we should be obsessing over at the moment?
Yeah. I can. I love them all. So many good ones. School of Radiant Living, Dirtbag, B.J Morizonkle, The Genie, Dynamo...the list goes on


5. Does where you live have any effect on the music you make?
Big Time! The bedroom is a mystical place, as is the Kitchen. Sunlight always effects the music aswell.


6. What's on for EatW in the short term future?
More hits, more fans, more hair.


7. Have you got a job? What is it?
I do. I work at Bakehouse Studios. Bakehouse is a beautiful rehearsal studio in Richmond Melbourne. I meet and hear new bands every day, before everyone else gets to hear them.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pork on ya fork.

Mashy Moo?

Geeeeettttttt fucked. Go on!. Leave me alone! Leave me the fuuuuck alone. Smash smash bang bang. Get outta here before I mix you up and start with my belly piercing?

What? You speak easy? Me speak bad.

Fall? Cradle? Mama been bad......

Yeh.

Yeh...na...sweet.

I am calming down. Naturally. Finally. I am spreading out just to lie down. Quilt out, plastic gloves on and I am taking all the good advice I can get. All of it.

I know for a fact BV was out on the town last night. Yeh....he made a wicked escape out the back door and never came back. Goodness, who knows what photos he's appeared at the edge of but I look forward to it. BV always does this at this time of year. He's awesome at it. And fuckin good on him!

He sent me this though from wherever the fuck he is. He found it in Jimmy Chasers backyard he reckons. Bullshit he did. He's crazy man. BV's crazy I tells ya.

Go BV. Bring the house down mate.

Goliath Bird Eater

smileymcslidey was eating beans yesterday afternoon staving off scurvy when Bobb Bruno from Goliath Bird Eater touched base with us. We sent him questions. He sent us answers. Check this out afterwards too Bobb Bruno

1. First of all, who are we talking with and what is your role in GBE?

bobb bruno. i write the riffs, play guitar and synthesizers.

2. Do you guys have good relationships with your parents?

yes we do.

3. Are your members in any other bands and if so what are the bands?

Our drummer, Rafe Mandel and i both play guitar in Polar Goldie Cats. i'm also in Best Coast, and play with Imaad Wasif. Rafe also plays in Moggs from time to time.

4. Who are some local acts we should keep an eye out for here in Australia?

Avi Buffalo, Ancestors, howardamb, Sun Araw, Magic Lantern

5.Tell us your favourite GBE song. Why? Where can we get it?

Miracle Violence Combination. It was on a split cassette with Robedoor. Our first official release (but was recorded after our cd "Blood Venus")

The amazing Ches Smith played drums on it. he's plays with Xiu Xiu, Marc Ribot and a ton of other people. one of the best drummers in the world and it was an honor to record with him. The fast riff at the end is my favorite. It's not available anymore but will probably be on our next LP.

6. When you rehearse do you actually rehearse? If not what do you do?

Saturdays at noon. We drink coffee, practice our songs and try and write new ones.

7.What jobs do you guys have outside of GBE?

i work in the box office of a music venue, Rafe works for the artist Mike Kelley
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So there you fuckin have it. Snap! I win again BV. Your turn to shuffle. Snaffle

Egg on a stick

She was as tall as a large novelty pencil and her head was the size of pickle. Just like an egg on a stick. No eyes, nothin to speak of. Frightening. Dancing round the room like a star. Grabbin all the pots and pans out of our cupboards and whipping up a storm. A fucking storm. Wendy we shouted over the din...Wendy! Get out of the shop ya fuckin egg on a stick. You are bringing us undone.

This is quite an emotional scene people. BV is crying tears of sauce mate and my right tonsil's got gas. Fuckin gas.

Wendy's banging her pan and I can quite seriously see this all ending. Like that fish Otto goin down the drain into the sea. Ending. And me ma's all 1950's and shit and Im all alone now in the big sea.

The big sea is not where we wanna be.

Half the price....

It's hot dude. I'm all frazzled but somehow clear as bell after the dreams I suffered through last night. People snapping wrists, me beating them with shovels....to death. Heavy BV ey?

My mind stayed asleep just long enough to give me the answers and then upon approval bam!...Im awake. Left to contemplate the answer in waking life.

So it's mighty hot and BV has gone downtown to crack open some Tooheys red but the crazy cunt always comes back with blue claiming they are half the price! Oh BV....Ill drink to that.

Tonsils

Ive got real bad anxiety. Woke last night drippin with sweat and had the shakes like me Pa did just before he dropped mate. Shit. This could be it for me. Everyone's dyin around me aren't they mate? I call out and no-one's there anymore. I got no cash and me tonsils are the size of tennis balls.

Fuck mate Im about to snap at the waste. BV god bless him poured me a stiff drink. Straight lime Cottees, the type that makes me chin itchy and leads to asthma.

Look if I dont make it through Ive had a swell time yeh?

Im gunna blast this shit to the heavens though.

Yeh and fuck you Old Man Smolkus... It was me that drowned ya cat! Take ya fuckin undies off ya head cunt.

Im fucked mate.

I'm off me head

I'm too young for this. I've ended up on the floor again crunched up next to the heater, shivering, unable to move. Rage is on in the background setting the scene. It'll repeat on me for years. What will me mates parents think when they get home and find me here on their lounge room floor?! Shit, where are me mates parents? I still need looking after. I''m too young for this. How can I go home now?

I know

Put it down man..Put it down. For god's sake I haven't gone mental, you're the one wielding the can opener. Listen it's just this once OK? I really like it. It's kinda got me and it's been raining and I thought that if we blew out a few cobwebs we could you know...start again after all the crazy shit we snaffled on the weekend yeh?

Easy now...Ok...Easy now...Pop it down on the shelf and I promise, I absolutely promise that I will never post something like this again alright?

Fuck man. BV's right though. It's got free dreamin written all over it. It's just that I need some soothing.

You go grab the tuna BV and ill change the tape by the time your back.

Snaffle

Party Time

Fuck it Isaw. It's the weekend, I've got me buddies with me, I'm doin it all over again! The Witchdragon! Twirlin Goats! Fish Fingers! The lot!!! I'll do it alright. I'll even follow it all up with the vege on toast and the blankies! I don't care! We'll clean the workshop next week! C'mon Isaw

Paaaaaarrrrrrttttyyyyy!!!!

Soooooory!

Easy BV. Easy..

Fuck man. I thought BV was all shattered and shit you know? After the bash. The workshop is fallin behind and we have some serious bills to pay and I thought, you know after makin him toast and shit that if I could just get him to chill out and all, we'd have him back on the floor. Fixin doors and shit.

Soooo. I went and put on Chill Out 4 with that dude from that band who married his girlfriend cos she looked like the tranny he used to date and BV goes fuckin spare mate. Throws his blanky off, crumbs flyin everywhere, thumps his way over to the stereo, takes the tape out and puts this on!

Heavy beats mate. Blood Silk Road. Heavy shit mate..Tearin ya strings off and shreddin new heat.

BV just looks at me like he's got some kind of sandwich on his mind and says in between head bangin (ie on the up stroke).....

"Twirl..."

"Me...."

"Some..."

"Goat..."

Fuck BV. You got it made man.....

Consequences

OK, so we should never have done it. None of it. Not the fish fingers, not the twirled goat...NONE.OF.IT.

You read BV's last entry didnt you? Well? Didnt you?

He's gone from us. For now. He'll be back, but all that crazy shit, the belly dancing...the goat on the twirl...It's taken its toll on him. On me.

Listen...God? Jesus? Mohammed, any of you?? We're real sorry. Whatever it takes yeh? To get us back on track...We fucked up and we're sorry.

Me and BV are goin back to basics yeh? Just til we get ourselves sorted. Im just puttin a blanky on him now. A little vege on toast buddy? Same plate? Knife? Put it on the sink bossco?

When I find out which motherfucker filmed it all Im gunna spread his thin ass on my toast.

There's a little life in ol' smiley mcslidey yet....

Muffled sounds etc...

(was a sick night ey BV?) Snaffle Snaffle Snaffle....Old dog!

Basically...

I saw Isaw and he saw me.
He saw she saw and she saw Isaw
And I saw she saw but did she see me?


...I've lost it

Witchdragon

Saturday night right? It's 3am and I lost BV round 10pm just after we smashed a couple of fish fingers (birdseye- cos they've got the highest protein content), anyhoo I stumble into this party where everyone is wearing thai fisher pants. All kinds of wrong. I can smell this weird smell though, and even though I'm tripping off my head I know that Ive got to get to the source of that smell..I'm walking through all kinds of dark rooms sealed off by curtains, each room with it's own tape recorder blaring out Jimi, The Doors...You know the deal.

I'm getting closer to the smell. Outside in the backyard is a giant shed, like the kind me uncle used to breed quail in. Bit of a surprise this shed in a suburban backyard. Roasted goat is on the twirl I can tell. Smells like when you burn fetta....

I slide open the double doors and low and behold a full circle of people, seated watching some kind of witch/dragon performing a belly dance with no belly to speak of whilst this comes out of some gold plated stereo suspended from the roof. It's a fuckin trip and I'm gettin scared. Everyone's in a juju trance and I'm startin to have those fish fingers repeat on me. Sober as a judge now....

The music winds down only to wind back up again and Witchdragon is starting to derobe..... First the curtain wrapped round her tummy, next the Jesus sandals and finally the God awful mask th.......

OMG! It;s BV! BV! BV!, I shout...

He looks all weird and shit. I want the mask back on BV. You're scaring me and I'm only a kid BV. He walks over to one of the circle sitters and picks up a cloth, handing it to me.

Put it on Isaw......Put it on.....

Momentum of toke.

No fuckin way! BV is at the edge of every photo he is in. Im going to see him tonight down at the barnyard and we're gunna light a big stack of hay, wrap it in newspaper and set fire to it with a lantern and...yes, and....we are gunna smoke that haystacker and blow ourselves into the nearest guinea pig yard with the momentum of the toke!

This will be blaring outta me Ma's speakers while the whole covert operation unravels. Here's to ya lungs cunt. Opiate Sun.....

Swooooiiiit

Breaking with tradition

Every now and then we put down our tools and break with tradition here at smiley mcslidey. This is one of those times....

The Tote Hotel in Melbourne, Thursday 17th December, Eagle and the Worm smoke the joint out. Come suck balls with the rest of us. It'll be rad.

Coming...

Isolation

It's getting cold in here...They've turned off our gas. BV is cooking beans with his lighter and I'm reading, 'One good man is not a houswife' by the light of a flickering street light....

Cold and lonely and looking for real estate.... This shit flows the right way.

Peace out.

Rule of chicken

I'm baking mate. Constantly got headaches cos I cant get shit done. The heat is abnormal and intense and my chickens are starting to peck at each others chests! One's got a pink bald spot where he used to have feathers.

So BV suggested we invite him for a cup of tea. You know....get him out of the kitchen and away from the trouble. So we three are sitting there enjoying a nice cup of caffeine free tea when all of a sudden it dawns on me....Remember when at school you'd spot the dork and out of the compassion of your own good heart you'd reach out to that dork and his chess board and say hey mate....you wanna play tiggy? His face'd light up and all of a sudden the world and all it's stars aligned and everything was illuminated.

The game of tiggy ensued and your other mates would be quietly destroyed that you'd bought Loren into the fold. Why not let him just lean against his locker so we can throw apples at him Isaw? You're fucking with the natural order of things....

But Isaw Isonn out of the goodness of his own heart thought differently...

Anyhow as the game of tiggy ensued, you started to watch it all go askew..Loren would say something obtuse and you'd laugh as if he was being ironic. Next, Loren would make some weird animal noise when he was it! Now it's all you can do to not hurl an apple at the stupid cunt yourself. Fuck me Loren I'm giving you a shot here and you re impersonating a mia cat!

Well....so it is with the chicken my friend.. The lesson we learnt here at smiley mcslidey was to not fuck with the natural order of things, plucked chicken breast or no plucked chicken breast.

Best leave it alone.

BV.... Watcha gunna play for me today?

Ooooooooooo......

Let's get loaded! Chicken..your shout!

Everyone's talking about it

Fuck man. I been stretchin and wretchin for one whole day and me fingers are fucked. Cut up by wire and shit. Itsinstereo flung me the work and Im grateful. Real grateful, but then the bastards who own Stretch n Wretch ring me up and say, they loved my ways and we'll give ya sixteen dollars an hour! Suck my fat one you cheap dime store hoods.

"Im back BV...."

"New you wouldn't last Isaw"

"Yeh...But I found this on me way home and it tickles me insides boss. I wanna see it. I wanna see it real bad. Smells like an ear....."

Chuckle

Here comes the....

Check this out.

Go fuck yaself if you already have. We don't do new. We just do good.

You kinda think this is gunna get all scottish twee on your ass but then you realise these people are playing hard and fast. Listen to the bass behind the schizzle....

BV is cacking himself.

"Stop playin with your mouse BV!"

I've lost him.

Boneless Fish

"I cant do this no more BV. We need a bit of luck."

BV is busy making one of his delicious sandwiches which is his way of saying I aint listening to you Isaw Isonn.

"Pull yaself together."

I know what he means too. I have to.

He brings his plate over to me and offers me one of his salmon sangas. I take one and pull open the sandwich and begin by deboning the salmon.

Why do fish have bones BV? Do they really need them? I mean....they don't walk do they? They just swim about in water and god knows Ive seen people without bones who have had serious accidents and shit getting around in water without bones so why cant a fish?

Bombed Village looks up from his rabbit plate and I just know Ive got him. Ive stumped him! He spits out his salmon roll and raises his eyes towards mine. I can see him smiling even before he's started.

"Of course! Why didn't we think of this sooner? A fish without bones?! It'll be massive boss! Fuckin massive. All those kids who are scared of fish cos they've got so many bones in them and then BOOM!.... along comes smiley mcslidey with a boneless fish. He'd look so cute wobbling through the water without his bones, and then he gives a little tug on your line, you reel him up and bang goes nanna...wack him in your sandwich. Light on the bones, so you can slam it down fast.

We are fucking genius.

I'm spending up big BV. Real big. This is guaranteed.

Fresh outta cash.

'BV....BV! For god's sake get your head out of that bin. We've got work to do. Did you know we havent made a cent for over three years and everything we've bought in that time we've paid for in tin? Jesus man it just occurred to me that we should start charging money for fixing peoples things when they bring them into this god forsaken workshop.....'

'What's wrong Isaw?'

'I lost alot of money yesterday BV. '

BV walked over to me very quietly knowing what my last comment meant and how broken I really was and he said very gently....

'So did I Isaw...so did I.'

He meandered over to the ghettoblaster which had stopped working since we had our power cut. He pulled out 6 of the fat batteries from the dresser draw nearby and inserted them into his face. I mean into the boombox. He looked at me like he was gunna jump, and flicked the switch.

'Never learned in being sad', he said.....

Sad sad snaffle...

Crystal Clear

'Turn up the leaf' i'd say to Isaw Isonn. He would, the buzz would intensify and we'd head bang some more. Heavy!!! Everything was.

I was almost nervous when Isaw came over to help me pull the old leaf out of the radio. What if I don't get that same feeling?

I didn't.

I turned this on and got shivers! Stood still and fixed my eyes on the leafless radio. Can you hear that Isaw?!!!


...they'll just never get old.

Remember This?

Ma, remember that party we went to and a car fell out of a tree?

I drove down a street today that i've driven down before. Back then it was 1000kms away. Yeah, seen it before.

Remember this? Isaw Isoon does. He saw a bunyip that day. Or am I getting mixed up with my Aunties 21st? Same thing.

TV's on. Sons and Daughters. Must be time for bed.

Bliss

You might find you need a soundtrack. You might find you dont. Whatever you do find, will be determined by this work and not the other way around. If I could offer one piece of advice to the artist it would be....paint a fawn. Please paint me and BV a fawn to hang in our workshop. This goes beyond what most art does for me and Bombed Village. If you must know his name....It's Shannon Smiley, Simpson Desert, Shiskabob Rally.

Echo Echo

Listen to this when you are thinking of what to do with your life. I am always thinking and coming up with new ideas of what to do with my life. I have many new ideas. They become old ideas very quickly and I wonder if it's because I have the ideas while Im listening to music such as this where I go...yeh everything is gunna work out just fine. It's christmas soon. Ill get heaps of pressies. I love the water. I love tennis. I love white wine.

And then...the song finishes and all my thoughts and ideas become void. So I yell out to BV to hit play again. And boom...I love planes that are high up in the sky. I have back pain but it's fine. I am going to write. I love that new carpet. Let's open a milk bar and sell records. I have the best ideas and none of them ever work. I love ideas.

Snaffle

Drag your post

Instead of being chained to a cannon ball or whatever the fuck it is they normally chain a man too, this dude from Killingore WA came and offered me and Bombed Village a night chained to a post. Of course we said sick, and so he drove us to the old Staple Warehouse in the south of Melbourne, Australia and chained us to a post.

Bombed Village being highly attuned to his surroundings noticed it was one of those posts that you used to aim for in the boat when you went fishing with your pa. Pa would always say 'aim for the post, that little white thing with a black tip out over yonder'. You couldn't see the fuckin thing so just steered in the general direction, until your pa yelled out again, 'The post... Aim for the fuckin post'

Anyway thats what we were chained to and after an hour and a half, we started to panic that what we had paid $17 for each was nothing but a hoax. The man had disappeared and we were left chained to a distant post drudged up from a far away memory. What a sham!

Getting sleepy and hearing dawn kick in outside the Staple Warehouse, I nudged BV and said can you hear that? A light tapping merged with a singular note. It grew stronger and stronger. BV new it!

'It's, it's....It's....', he stammered

'Something old.' said I.

Something old and smelling like loungerooms.

We slept soundly chained to our post.

Easy tiger

Mmmmmm....Im listening to it now and typing in time with the slow grooves that are comin out of my tin can. Oh mighty people, listen and let your soul slink away from you. Dont go grab it, just let it go man.

Just let it go.

Thats right, it's Monday morning and I can promise you this week good things are comin to you. Fuck your star signs, it's Time For Dreams.

Pistols down.

Get your canary out.

It's true, alot of the time smiley mcslidey are fixing lawnmowers, scrounging loose change from the floor of the workshop to go get greasy haircuts that only make our life harder. But there is time here, generally on a Friday afternoon when something significant is about to happen, where we just put our tools down, our feet up and crank the blissed out tunes. Bombed Village always gets his canary out and it just tweets along.

"It makes all the scrounging worthwhile, doesnt it BV?"

He cant here a thing, just this.

If you dont mind upmire

Yeh so much has been going on here at smiley mcslidey. Wow! Bombed Village has been fixing his car and Ive been smoking bees. Really full on. This one time Bombed Village got himeslf in a real tangle under the bonnet and he called me! That was full on. I went around there. He had his radio on and once we got the leaf out of the speaker we heard this. We did nothing for the rest of the day, save smoking a little of the stuff that was meant for the bees. Try it. Try it while you listen to her.

Never said we were leading from the front.

Don't think they even exist anymore. It's this kinda low-aspirational fuzzy shit that makes us tick, albeit very slowly, here at smiley mcslidey. And when I say low aspirational, dont go and buy yourself a drink and think to yourself, that's why I am where I am in life, because I take the high road...No. Do not do that you fuckwit. Go and buy yourself a dirty old cape, put it on, and at the very least, pretend you are very stoned and right in front of the band on a Tuesday night and home isn't what you thought it was. That's what we mean by low-aspirational. Highly inspirational.

Finito

After trekking through the Simpson Desert smiley mcslidey are back. We did the trip in order to raise money and awareness for those who suffer from Chiladik Disease. A horrible and very rare syndrome that stops animals from becoming people. We had a fantastic time and if you donated to our cause then we thank you very much and can assure you every cent raised went towards the Chiladik Foundation. Not that I need to say that. Of course it did. Goes without saying....Every cent....

At one point in the trek Bombed Village made mention of being thirsty so we put this on our little ghetto blaster and you should have seen the Simpson Desert come alive! Bombed Village was no longer thirsty.

People who choose to believe you have nothing better to do....

Oh why dont you go fuck yaself ya fat prick. Get your own way there. Cook your own fucking food. Fuck ya. You said you wanted to go the hotel so that's where youre going. No.....Bad luck.

Lookout This redeemed most of what took place today. This and salt and pepper squid and a few brews on a Monday night.

But I tell ya what....The traffic was fucked and I spent an entire day, infact Ive spent an entire month or two with people who are the equivalent of babies. 'Oooh I shit my pants can you clean it for me?'

'Yes certainly sir. Would your wife like me to drive her to the movies during or after ive cleaned your nappy? Certainly sir. Thankyou. It's no trouble at all.'

But then when you hear guitars and songs that are so muddled up only to burst forth with hooks like this you think to yourself...you know what...?

Im glad you sir are a small child that shits itself and needs its hand held. Cos then I get to keep songs like this to myself and all you can do is get fatter and fatter on seared tuna......

Feel so good

Yesterday I felt so good. Like, clear as a ninja must do before he strikes at the very heart of his enemy. It was amazing. I was officially in the zone. Today? Different story. Im in the zone alright but it's the same zone I hit when at high school on a winters day trying to swallow algebra. Im fucked. Alert as a hippo. Nimble as dying fly.

The other night coming home from work I heard this voice over the airwaves and I remembered a trip I did to the centre 11 years ago and I had it all planned out down to the cordial Id packed for various stages of dehydration. It was gunna be sick. Two hours in and the am radio started to pack it in so it was time to make the switch to cassettes. Each carefully thought out for different landscapes. Yee fuckin hah!

................?.........? Oh my god Id forgotten the cassettes. A mad scramble inside doors/gloveboxes and consoles coughed one tape up. The Dingoes. And I listened to it back to front from The Grampions to Alice Springs. When I hear this voice now Im fucked. I love it.

Beaches in Mexico

My friend gave me some good advice today. Work ya guts out for as long as you can and then with the money you make, buy a beach house for yourself on the best beach in the world. Which beach is that you ask? Well it depends doesnt it? Warm water? Real sand? Small pebbles? Shark-free? Snorkel worthy? Fuck it I dont care. His point still stands and I hope I get to put it to use. At the rate Bombed Village and I are putting along we'll be able to buy a tug boat to pull the ships driven by drunken sailors onto shitty South African coastline free. And we'll be stoked! We'll turn the ship into a milk bar for marlin, and once that's paid for itself...well we'll turn it into a record store. And then who'll be laughing?

Ive said it before but ill say it again...I head bang hard to this!! Except this time Im taking all my clothes off before hand, no make that during, and Im gunna tip a full, no make that a half a beer all over myself. And quickly mop it up before anyone comes home!

Sick

Blinkers on.

So it's real late at night and Im thinking of turning in. Another night follows another day where nothing happens. I said to my sister earlier in the day, 'people would be amazed at just how little I can bare doing in a day'. I mean seriously I can go long drawn out periods of time where I achieve and do absolutely nothing.

Been doing it for years. My sisters the same. Once I came home to her asleep in the hallway on a Saturday afternoon. She'd dragged the matress into the hallway cos it made her feel comfortable. I dig this. I get it. She had not done nothing......She'd dragged the mattress out of the bedroom before lying down on it and then done nothing.

Look closely.

Point being yeh? The night came to a close, I logged onto the wrong website where I find a live stream to a radio show in The Goulbourn Valley. Two guys are absolutely slaying it. I thought to myself, 'hello, bed's a little way off'. What a journey. Half way through the radio show Im prompted to ring about this. Check the second clip they have posted 'According to Plan'.

Fuck me. Then picture me. I haven't done a THING all day.

It was and always is worthit. Always worth hangin in there and putting the blinkers on. Something always happens.

The Wilderness

Oh fuck yeh. The wilderness. The best thing about coming in from it is just that. Coming in.

Firstly check this.... Burger Schnitzel Ninja.

We here at smiley mcslidey generally dislike a song that maybe percived as taking the piss out of itself. Maybe they are...maybe they're not. The thing is when the package is this fucking good you dont care. And that's the trick. If you are gunna make music that doesnt take itself too seriously, then make it fucking good. Make the music counterpoint to the lyrics or viceaversa.

I head bang and I head bang hard to this.

Sick

SMR002

Stretch and wretch

That's right winter is here and she is loud in our ears and warm with her work.

Listen here every morning. Your hips will rotate. Your love will radiate. The early bird catches one mother fucker of a worm.

I cant believe something so good is so new. It's fuck off good and Im gettin on the Jamieson's. For good. Mow me lawns ya bastard. Yes you. Mow me fuckin lawns.

Sweet

Good Night Little Bear.

Apparently you can be feeling things without knowing it...Not, for example, being stuck with a fork and not noticing, although this is possible, but rather.....Being sad and thinking you are happy. Hello little bear. Im writing. Quiet time for Isaw Isonn. He's writing. Good night bear.

Anyway as I was saying...Fuck it ive lost it again..Oh yeh Im going to the pub to get shitfaced. Is that what I was saying? Or was I saying something about the way I feel. BV? Oh he's no good, he's at the pub to. Bear....?

Bear always pops his head in just when you're making progress. Going somewhere. As I was saying I saw the movie Tenderness. It's a confused piece of motion picture with a psycopath at the centre of it who....Oh bear..Goodnight!

To the pub.

Check it. You on the run..

Surrender

Interesting BV...Very interesting...Check it

Two cans is all it takes these days. Just two cans...

The other night I was out at a happy place when I recalled the scene from Neverending Story when Atreyu's horse Artex or something like that got stuck in the mud. Nothing would move him.

When I got home my horse was still cool but I couldnt take my eyes off him. Haven't since. That scene really effected me as a kid and it seems the silent death of a horse, or any animal for that matter, but especially a horse still rocks me....

So I checked this, to shake me out of the silent shock that was growing inside me... Surrender.

Boom shaka laka

1982

Inxs. Shabooh Shoobah.

You'll find it in bargain bins marked 'under $10' at most record stores. Crazy! Tell the cashier that you'll give them $20 for it!

Key tracks: Soul Mistake & Golden Playpen. You know the hits. Check out their B-sides (Long in Tooth & Space Shuttle)

BV

The wrong type of Jazz

I sat at a bar last night known for it's surround hi fi system playing the right type of jazz. Im not sure what the wrong type is but you know it when you hear it and when you hear it everything becomes increasingly annoying. Your loved one...family, pet, nature....It all becomes intolerable. Anyhow, as I sat with my glass of water the music came to its natural end and then low and behold this came on.... I wanted to say something to someone but no one would listen and I didnt know what it was I wanted to say anyhow. amkjdsujsyuuydhfn bmw,efaglj

I havent got off youtube since......and I love this world.

Hadenvale

So now you have officially met both components of smiley mcslidey. Bombed Village it seems is a changed man. Twice! For those who haven't seen him, his hair is all ratty, he's not eaten for days it would appear and he only wakes at night, giving him a somewhat pale complexion. Other than that he's the same old Bombed Village he's always been...He loves it like this.

As for my self...I am out of patience. I cant wait any longer. I've been standing at the same bus shelter for....I wont say. But the bus has not come and I now firmly believe it wont come. Years of waiting will do that to a person. So instead Im walking to Hadenvale. Im fucked if I can remember why Im headed there but it's the one piece of information Ive been able to retain and Im blowed if Im going to fuck that up.

The Count of Monte Cristo occupies me and I am learning from its pages on how to mess with those that have messed with you. That is to say....take time with your schemes. Years even... I for ins...

Wait! My god the bus! Sweet Jesus the 361 to Hadenvale!! Speak later.

Hello, My Name Is...

Bombed Village.

There is very little i remember about my absence. I do recall an old man with no teeth. It was late. I was new. I remember another old man half naked sweeping the footpath. It was early. I was late. I saw him twice. After the second time I saw him I knew that I would then see another man lifting a crate out of the boot of his car. I saw him after I saw the old man half naked sweeping the footpath the first time. Needless to say I saw him again. There was silence.

On Sunday a man told me that he knew that he would see me. He said that he had already seen two Villages that day. He laughed with the second Village commenting on how he had just seen one Village. He couldn't believe it. Two Villages! The second Village then told the man that he'd see a third Village. A Bombed Village. He saw. I saw. The man stopped laughing.

But I am no longer Silent.

Eggs Tidy

For four days there has been a cloud hanging around. A dark rain cloud. It's followed me wherever I go. I awoke on Monday morning and there it was above me threatening to release it's contents upon me in my bed. But it didnt. That's not the point though. It threatened too and it's trailed me wherever ive been. I havent seen that pesky cloud for years and without rhyme or reason it just shows up.

So I stayed quiet, kept my head down and continued on with my cloud hovering above my every move.

But today I cannot figure out where it has gone. Im slightly anxious as to its whereabouts, yet like a child whose mother has left the room and the contents of the biscuit jar unguarded I feel like opportunity may strike. Or rather, that I may strike opportunity. smileymcslidey rarely feels like this. Rarely....

How long will it stay, where has the cloud gone and what will happen to me when I wake tomorrow?

Look, I found Bombed Village. You know the old man with no teeth that I told of you about? Yeh well it seems he and Bombed Village kinda hit it off. Now Bombed Village is his helper. The old man with no teeth isnt so good with electronic devices so whenever he encounters one he whistles and Bombed Village obliges. ATM's, eftpos, mobile phones and the like...Bombed Village is there for him. So that explains his absence. There's also been cats. Heaps of them. Sick skinny cats making quite a nuisance of themselves in droves. So look, you will hear from BV...He deals at night. Keep your eyes peeled and your eggs tidy.

It's all about rituals isnt it? Waking up to find a cloud above your bed, old men whistling and us obliging, stray cats at night spraying our cars and us having to smell said spray... Then occasionally something happens to break with our ritual and we seek cautiously to find where said interruption springs from. One of these days we're gunna make the most of that opportunity instead of seeking its source. One of these days....

I like this song 'Ritual'. It's ritual right down to it's core. It's by Tic Toc Tokyo and they came up with the name way before all these other bands decided on putting Tokyo into their bandname. There are those who lead and those who follow....

Old man with no teeth

Oh my god....We're awake. Where have we been? What's been happening? Anything?

Listen; all I know is that there was an earthquake on Friday night. I ran out of the house to stand under a doorframe as my instincts told me that would be safest and then....Bam!

Im here sitting at my computer. I remember something about a festival...But that's all and it's very shady.

Where Bombed Village is I cant tell you. Last seen he was chewing the fat with an old man who had no teeth under a streetlight early one morning in the northern suburbs of Melbourne...

My God. Anyhow I found this. Someone put a note in my pocket that had this link scribbled on it. Thank God they did. It's helped, not so much with memory recovery, but with recovery itself. They are called The Tantrums and they make great broken pop music; emotive, strange, yet hauntingly familiar. They say they play live in Melbourne at The Curtin Bandroom in Carlton Friday March 20th. Id like to go but since last Fridays earthquake nothing is certain anymore.

Nothing....

Bombed Village, where are yoooooouuuuuuuu?

earthquake

At 9pm tonight an earthquake hit our city. It didn't do any damage....

Stars

Still trying to remain positive here. But it's hard. Our collective stars for two weeks running have both concluded that we were in for some money and career opportunities beyond our wildest dreams. The stars said to expect an opportunity from whence they dont normally come...That's code for your mum is going to bring you over some cake. It's suddenly turned to winter after the summer from hell, no one and I mean no one is returning our emails or phone calls, work is either shit or non existent and blogging is all we have. Listen to this. They are called Transformer and their song Nobody almost makes us feel better about ourselves. No tricks, no ponies and we are all the better for it.

Thinking of you if you are in the same boat, also hoping that we get out of the boat before you manage to. Sorry.

Alpha

We at smiley mcslidey would like to make our first blog a positive one. Listen to Jim Patterson. In particular, listen to the tune Pictou. Wait for the piano part to kick in. It takes us to a place mid winter 1995, Mornington Peninsula, taking blurred photos of seagulls mid flight on our medium format camera. The photos were shit, but the music is not.